The Mighty Have Fallen

Bill and Hillary Clinton's recent behavior has been deplorable.

I don't mean the way they've ripped apart the Democratic Party to fuel their own ambitions. I'm also not referring to the way they've exposed all the fault lines among "liberals" to get Hillary the Democratic nomination.

No, I am referring to the Clintons abdication of their positions as honorary black people.

Don't roll your eyes, you know I'm right.

Before 2008, Bill and Hillary had what those of us in hood call a "ghetto pass." A solid platinum, real deal American Express "Black" card. While the duo's skin may have been white, far too many black people considered them the first black couple to occupy the White House.

Every two-bit comedian, and even some very good ones (I'm looking at you Cedric the Entertainer), joked that Bill's affinity for marijuana, his sax skills and his philandering were proof positive that he was a brother. And the way Hillary stood by his trifling ass--all while cutting her eyes at him every chance she got--it was clear that she understood many a sister's plight. In the eyes of Negroes and certain black people, Bill and Hillary completed a transition that very few white people have ever accomplished.

Now, let's be clear, that's not because of a lack of trying on the part of white people.

Since the beginning of time, white folks have tried to make the transition into the realm of blackdom. Even in Darkest Africa there was a white tribe member swagger-jacking the loincloth game of his black companions so he could stunt for the ladies around the campfire.

The overwhelming majority of white folks have failed miserably in their attempts to transition. Or, even worse, after a seemingly successful transition, some uncouth white folks then committed one of several unpardonable sins that mandated their excommunication.

Remember Ted Danson and his mistaken belief that bumping uglies with Whoopi Goldberg entitled him to wear blackface? To be fair, Danson's portrayal of Sam Malone on "Cheers" had some solid aspects of negritude that may have confused him (a one-time athlete who remains a womanizer extraordinaire could definitely have been a role for a black man). We also must assign some blame for his faux pas on Whoopi since she is not known for being the most enlightened Negro.

Then again, if Danson truly had done the necessary research required to transition he would have known that not even permission by Malcolm X clears the use of blackface in public.

More recently, Justin Timberlake made some impressive strides in his quest to become the first white person since Elvis to convincingly co-opt the musical genius of black performers. Timberlake's mimicry of Michael Jackson (now of questionable blackness himself), and his penchant for working with black producers actually won him quite a following among Negro listeners.

Unfortunately, when the harebrained scheme he and Janet Jackson cooked up to bare her 40-year old breast at the Super Bowl devolved into a media shitstorm, Timberlake violated every tenet of the honorary black creed in his rush to deflect blame.

Unsurprisingly, Timberlake quickly realized that being black isn't so cool if the federal government is contemplating fines and jail sentences. Justin has since renounced any honorary black status he might have attained and now identifies officially as "a raper of black culture for profit."

Which brings me back to Bill and Hillary.

Clearly, the Hillbillies never went as far as some in their attempts to embrace the Negro lifestyle. Bill's cuts to welfare, his support for increasing the size of the prison industrial complex and his shameful actions regarding Rwanda made it clear that he was only willing to do so much to crossover. However, thanks to some inopportune words that Toni Morrison still regrets, Bill and Hillary were allowed to transition despite their shoddy record.

But, the couple's recent actions in the Democratic primary have really made it impossible for them to maintain their illustrious status. The race-baiting, the appeals to white folks' fear of Affirmative Action and, most disturbingly, their attempts to play down the impact of the patron saint of all black people, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., have been inexcusable. In fact, their recent ridiculous behavior has only highlighted the affirmative action that allowed them honorary black status in the first place.

Just like OJ and Michael Jackson did to white people, Bill and Hillary Clinton have betrayed a community that embraced them with open arms and was willing to look past the unfortunate birth defect of their skin color. We in the black community welcomed the Clintons with a plate of soul food and a glass of red Kool-Aid. They decided to drip Jherri Curl juice on our suede sofa and ask to borrow the VCR.

I know my call to arms is one many brothers and sisters have already heard and heeded in their daily lives. However, I felt it necessary to add my voice to the growing number of black people and Negroes who have reached a consensus on the Clintons and their fate.

Excommunication is our only recourse.