You Want to Put It Where?

This post is going to make me sound old.

But, I have to ask this question as a new parent and concerned citizen.

What happened to R&B?

Truthfully, I'm more of a hip hop fan myself, but now that I have a child I've decided that blasting music that regularly details explicit sex acts and random violence might not be the best thing for me to continue. I still love my rap, but I'm trying to wean myself off of it and get into a mixture of contemporary and old school slow jams. I listen to some Cd's, but I also like to just listen to the radio.

While it's been quite easy to find good old school stuff, the garbage that's coming out from artists these days is inexcusable. Seriously, a friend and I were discussing it the other night and we've decided that this new R&B might be even worse then contemporary hip hop.

Now, let me explain myself.

When I listen to contemporary R&B, I hear a lot of talk about sex acts and very little talk about romance. I know that some R&B artists have always had explicit lyrics, but these days it seems like everybody is talking about "Let me stick you there" or "I'll lick you here."

In addition, these new songs are written at what appears to be a third grade reading level. Seriously, when you listen to old school Al Green or Marvin Gaye, there is artistry in their lyrics. These new cats just throw together random cliches and slang and call that trash a song. If I hear another cat crooning about his rims over a beat, I'm going to pop a vessel.

It's like these artists are purposely writing adult material in a way that children can understand it.

That just ain't cool, and, like most of you, I blame R. Kelly.

Now, some readers may cry foul at that comment, but bear with me. There is no doubt that R. Kelly is a great musician, and, like most of my contemporaries, I once thought "Bump and Grind" was the greatest display of musical genius in the world. There can be no argument that Kelly has successfully created a whole new genre of R&B that I would call "thug crooning."

And that's where he messed up.

I mean, his obvious success at this new genre convinced every other cat who could carry a tune and preferred cornrows to ceasers that this was their calling. Kelly beget Jagged Edge and Jahiem and they beget bastards like Pretty Ricky who are ruining music today. Not only can these asshats barely sing without technological assistance, listening to their music will rot your brain faster than Fox News. It's shameful.

These dummies are pumping kids full of risky sex music at a time when these kids have no idea how to handle adult interactions. And I find their efforts so insidious because unlike rap music most R&B lyrics make it past radio censors due to their lack of cursing (I'm purposely ignoring R&B acts that curse more than rappers because if I didn't I might have to slam my head into the keybord).

So when parents innocently think they are just letting their kids listen to the radio, they are really exposing them to a blueprint for acquiring an STD or baby. (Don't believe me? Read this.).

Now, I'm not against all R&B because even those cats who produce what most would deem idiot music have their place. Everybody deserves the right to pursue their dream, and people do not have to abide by my standard of decency.

In fact, I actually find T-Pain funny, and think he's far more witty than most people give him credit for being. But, that doesn't mean I think T-Pain should be singing where my son and other kids can hear him. Something is wrong with that.

Oh well, there's always NPR.

Footnote: A friend of mine sent me the lyrics of Ray J's newest "love" song called "Sexy Can I. Please enjoy.

Sexy can I, just pardon my manners.
Girl how you shake it, got a nigga like (ohhhh)
It's a kodak moment, let me go and get my camera
All I wanna no is, sexy can I.
Sexy can I, hit it from the front,
then I hit it from the back.
know you like it like that.
then we take it to the bed, then we take it to the floor
then we chill for a second, then we're back at it for more

When you sliding down the pole,
no panties, no shirt.
Then you climb back up the pole,
then you drop and do the splits.
How you make that pussy talk,
Baby damn, u is da shit
(Oh,ohh,ohh) Now look shawty, look shawty.
I make it rain in the club like (Oh,ohh,ohh)
(I don't know what your man is like but baby all I want to know is
Sexy can I