I Done Had About Enough

I have a bad habit of listening to urban radio.

For the most part, I listen to very little rap any more. I still respect and appreciate the genre, and I have certain artists whose CDs I might still cop, but for the most part I've lost interest in what many mainstream rappers are talking about. Plus, I lack the energy or inclination to invest in the underground rap circuit because I'm pretty sure they don't share my values either.

But, I still have this vice of listening to the radio. I like music when I drive, and while I've tried listening to the local gospel channel, the paucity of music and plethora of bad sermons often leads me back to the local urban stations. And this week, that led to me listening to a song by Usher Raymond and Nick Minaj called "My Little Freak." (Video is here for those of you interested.)

Sigh...

Some of you have no doubt heard this song. With an infectious beat by Polow the Don, it's sure to become a regular on our airwaves. The ditty is an ode to women who not only are serious about sexing their man, but they are serious about going to find other women to join in with that sexing. That's right, it's a song celebrating the female, sexual wingman.

Again, sigh...

It's official, debauchery is the new black. I'm not one of those cats who thinks the "Good Ol' Days" were particularly "good" but dammit, when there are songs on the radio brashly discussing orgies and whatnot, well maybe family values have disappeared. Right?

I remember when Kanye had a song on his first album that had a line like "drug dealers buy Jordans and crackheads buy crack, but white people get paid off all of that". That line was deemed to risque to get radio play, and would always be beeped out of the song.

On Tupac's "All Eyez on Me" album, he had a song with Redman and Method Man. In that song, Method Man has a line about using German Lugers on Jews, and that was deemed unacceptable for the album and ultimately deleted by the label.

But a song celebrating chicks who love pimping out other chicks gets major radio play? So talking about race or the Holocaust is a problem, but songs about random gun play and demeaning sexual behavior are just fine? Thanks for the clarification.

And I believe that song is both demeaning and damaging to young women. I thank the Lord he hasn't blessed me with a daughter because I wouldn't get much sleep at night worrying about how she would navigate the ridiculous messages being pumped out by popular culture. From the long-standing morays about beauty, to the new jack crap about what constitutes a good woman, girls today are tripping the light fantastic in a minefield.
(By the way, I used that "light fantastic" line because I learned that's how lots of white folks and their sympathizers say "dancing." I never knew. A friend of mine compared it to the fact that white folks don't know Booboo the Fool despite the fact that black people know at least one Booboo in every family and on every job.)

Over the past decade, we've seen rap and R&B define the perfect black woman as a ridiculously beautiful, Madonna/whore, who has her own money, spends it on men, is willing to be a drug mule, doesn't mind infidelity or wedlock babies and also has a taste for casual lesbianism. Did I miss anything? (I could provide a similar description of the perfect man, but I won't.)

What is going on? Is that woman, the one described in so many urban songs, the woman we really want our daughters to become? Is that woman good for our community? Is she good for our children? Is she happy, is she loved, is she being used or is she a user? Is the woman placed on a pedestal by popular music a woman any of us really like or love?

I don't think so.

This ain't an attempt by a corny dude to gain brownie points with the ladies. This is a cry for help from the father of two sons and the uncle of a niece who is truly scared about what's being done to our children. I'm truly scared about what these radio stations, record companies and ultimately artists are pumping out. It seems like every month I'm writing a piece about some vile crap hat's recieving airplay, and every time I think the bar can't be lowered, I'm horribly wrong.

At times I even don my tinfoil hat and wonder if this isn't part of some larger, nefarious conspiracy. How else can I explain what seems to be a systematic attempt to create a damaging, female demi-god for the world to worship? I can't just shrug it off as capitalism-induced ignorance any more, now I see something malicious. I see something dark, nasty and frightening.

Enough is Enough.


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What Just Happened Here?

You ever have a convo with someone, particularly someone of a different race, and the conversation just takes a turn that leaves you utterly confused?

For example, say you're talking to a white person about the old television show "Mr. Ed." Y'all get off on a tangent about Dave Chappelle's hilarious skit speculating whether former Hollywood animals were racist, and then the white person says something like this:

"And what's the big deal with the ban on black lawn jockeys? If I want a tiny black person to hold a lantern in front of my house, that should be cool right? Hell, black people were the first successful jockeys, why the big fuss?"

What the hell just happened there?

It can be very unnerving when something like that happens. Whether it's a race issue, a political issue or just random life stuff, when somebody takes an unexpected turn in the conversation, it's like getting lost on a dark country road. Things look dangerous, but familiar, and while you're confident you can find your way home, you know it might be more difficult than you'd like.

I thought about random conversation shifts when a friend of mine sent me an excerpt from a conversation John Mayer had with Playboy magazine. First, to be clear, I know nothing about John Mayer except that he used to smash "Rachel" and he is a bit of a wild man. Thus, his comments in the interview seemed to come completely out of left field to me. Maybe if I knew more about his back story I wouldn't have been shocked, but I don't know. Anyway, here is what Mayer said:

PLAYBOY: If you didn’t know you, would you think you’re a douche bag?

MAYER: It depends on what I picked up. My two biggest hits are “Your Body Is a Wonderland” and “Daughters.” If you think those songs are pandering, then you’ll think I’m a douche bag. It’s like I come on very strong. I am a very…I’m just very. V-E-R-Y. And if you can’t handle very, then I’m a douche bag. But I think the world needs a little very. That’s why black people love me.


PLAYBOY: Because you’re very?

MAYER: Someone asked me the other day, “What does it feel like now to have a hood pass?” And by the way, it’s sort of a contradiction in terms, because if you really had a hood pass, you could call it a nigger pass. Why are you pulling a punch and calling it a hood pass if you really have a hood pass? But I said, “I can’t really have a hood pass. I’ve never walked into a restaurant, asked for a table and been told, ‘We’re full.’"


PLAYBOY: It is true; a lot of rappers love you. You recorded with Common and Kanye West, played live with Jay-Z.

MAYER: What is being black? It’s making the most of your life, not taking a single moment for granted. Taking something that’s seen as a struggle and making it work for you, or you’ll die inside. Not to say that my struggle is like the collective struggle of black America. But maybe my struggle is similar to one black dude’s.

Now, wasn't that strange? Honestly, if you read the entire interview, which you can access here, Mayer's comments seem even more strange. It's like he's having a normal, interview and then "BAM", we're in crazyland.

I mean, there are so many questions to be asked about that exchange. In addition to the cryptic comments above, Mayer also casually insinuated that Kerry Washington is indiscriminate about revealing her past blow jobs because she's "white-girl crazy." (Also, I found it strange that Huffington Post wrote a story about Mayer's interview, and instead of leading with his casual use of the word nigger, and his other crazy comments about black folks, they decided to go with his comments about screwing Jessica Simpson and Jennifer Aniston's abhorrence of Twitter. Good to see our liberal friends have their priorities in order, right? Yeah, right.)

Anyway, what jumps out at me immediately is how Mayer drops an N-bomb with no prior warning or provocation. The interviewer asks him about his popularity with rappers, and within two sentences, the word "nigger" comes flying out of his mouth. Granted, I'm sure he'd argue that he was speaking about some deeper issues regarding the use of the phrase "hood pass," but I have no idea what those deeper issues would be. Unfortunately, any deeper meaning was lost by his casual use of "nigger." That's like telling me you love me, just as you slap me in the face. I'm not thinking about love, I'm thinking about strangling you.

Honestly, I'm suspicious of most white people who casually use the word nigger, even if they don't use it as a slur around me. Sometimes, if they grew up with black folks and are completely assimilated, it makes sense, but even then I get a sinking feeling. I've got to think that people who are casual with the use of "nigger" in everyday conversation, are probably casual with it when they get angry. Which means it's quite likely you might use the word as a slur for black people, even if you don't do it around me. So, I'm suspicious.

Also, I was lost by Mayer's attempts to distill being "black" to overcoming obstacles and enduring pain. Black people do not have a monopoly on those two things. Hell, we never have. Sure, we've dealt with a lot of hardships over our collective history in this country, but that's not unique in human history, it really isn't.

I thought it was strange that his idea of being black was completely tied to suffering and perseverance. That's a pretty shallow understanding of the black experience. And it's great that he thinks black people are particularly strong, but the truth is we're not. And as long as people think we are, they will be less likely to deal with the larger issues that force us to struggle so much.

As for the Kerry Washington thing, I'm not going to deny that she exudes a little craziness, kind of like Angelina Jolie. But, it strikes me as more than a tad disrespectful to go around branding her as the kind of chick who sucks dicks and doesn't mind telling. It might be true, but is it really something you just throw out into the public sphere.

The whole interview just leaves me unsettled. I didn't have any real thoughts on Mayer before this, but now any future thoughts I have about him will be colored by this interview. And I', pretty that won't be a good thing.

But maybe that can change if someone can explain to me what just happened here.

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Daddies and Mommies

Could you be my daddy? 'Cause I need a daddy. Could you be my daddy, 'cause I need a daddy...

This blares from my radio at least once a day. It's the intro to Twista's new song about creating slippery walls in the nether regions of females, and it bothers me.

Is might just be me, but I find something disturbing about a woman singing about her need for a daddy, right before a portly rapper talks about providing her with sexual favors to make her feel good. Besides the fact that "daddy" is often a term used by pimps and hoes, just the idea that a grown woman is out searching for a father figure and is settling for somebody who has an erect penis and money is a problem to me.

And it's not just this song, it's many others. I hear these little poo butt rappers and their crooning counterparts talking about "lil momma this" and "baby girl that" and it makes me want to slap the black off somebody. You really want to have sex doggiestyle with somebody you call "momma?" Really?

Something is perverse about this whole movement to use terms like daddy and momma to describe people who aren't actually filling anything that resembles a parental role. In fact, I would say that this new state of affairs is even more troubling considering the fact that so many black folks seem to have difficulty filling the roles of daddy and mommy with their actual kids. Seems like men and women are more than happy to partake in the fantasy of being a daddy, mommy or child, but less than eager to actually deal with the harsh realities of those roles.

When did it become acceptable to become an adult searching for a mommy or daddy to engage in a relationship with? When did it become cool to be so incomplete as a human being that you need somebody else to raise you? In my mind that's never going to be cool, but it seems like I'm in the minority these days.

Who wants to be involved with somebody that needs a daddy or mommy? I would wager that the kinds of people seeking out relationships with immature and undeveloped individuals are not exactly the folks that are going to make your life great.

I'm sure that some folks will scoff at my anger. They will point out that I'm taking these songs too literally, that people aren't really looking for mommies and daddies, they just think it sounds sexy in a song. The thing is, I don't buy it. Music either reflects the current reality, or it projects a reality on its listeners that the musician would like to pretend exists.

The current state of black music is a reflection of the lack of development of so many young black people. I don't know when it happened, but clearly we have crossed a threshold where long held beliefs are no longer sacred, and most folks are cool with that. It used to be that being a daddy or mommy meant something more than the physical joining of egg and sperm, but that's changed. It used to be that independence was a sign of adulthood, but that's changed. We've all decided that what's cool now are random exchanges of bodily fluid designed to procure money or gifts or status. It's bogus.

And where are the real parents, dammit?




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