Wednesday, February 20, 2008

"O"phrodisiac

The Little Woman and I have been married for a little over 2 years now and have been in a relationship for a total of about five and half years.

Like most married couples we try to consummate our union on a regular basis. (For all you slow folks that means we practice baby making.} But, like many married couples our ardor for each other has its peaks and valleys. While I am a fairly astute brother, I do have some difficulty anticipating topographic changes on our romantic roadmap.

That is I had problems until I discovered a brand new "O"phrodisiac.

See, the Little Woman loves her some Barack Hussein Obama. She really can't get enough of watching that purple-lipped, light-skinned, skinny brother speak. When I get home from work she always bugging me to abandon the NBA League Pass and watch dry ass CNN or MSNBC. Man, my son's first real words might be "breaking news."

But, because I'm a stubborn Negro who prefers his news in written form this has caused no small amount of consternation in our household. My dominance of the remote control has become a serious issue and I regularly find myself fighting off dirty looks and teeth-sucking when I dare to deviate from her preferred viewing schedule.

I swear there have been times that I could feel the Little Woman calculating the odds of wrestling my big butt for the remote despite the 10 inches and 200 pounds she spots me. If a man's home is his castle, she has clearly been planning a coup.

But, that all changed once I fully embraced the power of the "O"phrodisiac.

Through meticulous research and varied case studies I have discovered that a victory for Obama in the primary election is a victory for Big Man's primary erec---well y'all get the picture.

And, don't talk about if I actually let the Little Woman watch the O-man's victory speech and all the long-winded analysts debate just how he pulled off his win. Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaan I'm in there like swimwear.

Now some folks may be wondering why I would put all my personal business on front street like this and those people deserve an answer.

Come closer.

Ok.

I DON'T THINK CATS KNOW ABOUT THIS!

Seriously, I don't think most cats know that after their woman watches Obama run his victory lap she probably wants to get some aerobic exercise of her own. And, as every man knows, it is a man's gender duty to pass along any tips that can get a woman in the mood faster.

So that's my tip. Turn off the ESPN, back away slowly from SPIKE and at all costs avoid the Cartoon Network. If you're looking for a little special attention from that special someone in your life find you some Obama to watch.

And if your woman keeps asking to turn to Fox News for updates about McCain, well you have some problems that I can't solve.

10 comments:

Model Minority said...

Your hilarious. I love it.

Big Man said...

Thanks for the compliment, and I appreciate the read.

Chaser said...

This is gonna sound really crazy. But, you know, one novel idea deserves another... So, howz about you get another TV. I know, I know, insane, right? LOL. I keeeed. Good post.

Dark & Stormy said...

Funny! Great post. You may be on to something...

Christina Springer said...

Hilarious post!

Since you won't get it from my blog directly, I thought I'd bring it to you. Some households have it worse. Now - the O is even bringing the bi-partisans together.
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/17/fashion/17love.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&ei=5087&em&en=21ebb98d8692e33c&ex=1203483600

vicdamonejr said...

watching Obama is one thing. But, my dude RBL, be CAREFUL. She's only two buttons away from the "O" Network or LIFETIME or Golden Girls Girls reruns or Cashmere Mafia or Project Runway.

Don't get caught. Keep the balance. Save yourself. Save your soul. Save your manhood, my dude.

That Girl said...

lol...that's whats up! We can't help it I tell ya. And the debates...I need to go find some live bloggers. That gets my man good for a week of good stuff I tell ya lol. Thanks for the drop in at my blog. Colored White is my main squeeze...the rest is to keep folks tame.

B

Ferocious Kitty said...

This is quite an astute analysis. I sent a link to it to my bf. He should thank you.~Deesha

The Christian Progressive Liberal said...

You and the Field Negro have something in common.

Your women are digging Obama. While you're smart enough to take advantage, the Field is being very stubborn and refuses to drink his Obama Kool-Aid.

And his wife disses him if he even raises his voice againt Obama.

"Light-skinned, purple lipped, skinny brother" ROFLMBO!!!

Gye Greene said...

Hee-lair-ee-uss!!! :)


--GG

Raving Black Lunatic