Am I a Hater?

That's a question I've begun to ask myself during the race for the Democratic nomination.

I'm on record with several of my friends and the Little Woman as despising Hillary so much that I may stay home on Election Day if she is the nominee. Hell, I've even discussed a vote for a Republican or independent candidate.

I've been turned off by the Clinton's arrogance, their underhandedness and the dumb Negroes on their bandwagon. Voting for Hillary Clinton doesn't make someone a bad person, but voting for Clinton while questioning whether Obama is really a brotha pisses me off.

But then I checked out this .

Damn, now I feel a little bad.

This article made me wonder if my man crush on Obama has forced me down a path of irrational behavior. This companion piece raised the same issues. I don't agree with every point raised in these articles, but I could see enough truth to make me wonder.

In my condemnation of Hillary and Bill's appeals to racism had I crossed a line? In my rush to label them as representatives of all that is wrong with the politics of white America had I lost sight of my own moral compass?

See, the other day I had a convo with my best friend. He too has come to despise Hillary and has already been pressuring his family to withhold their votes if she is the nominee. However, my friend's hatred of Hillary manifests itself in a peculiar way. When he speaks of her, he often refers to her as a bitch. .

For those wondering, that's not a good thing.

Let's get this straight; I've been known to call a woman a bitch when I'm angry. Hell, I've even lobbed that word at the television when Hillary has pissed me off. I'm far from an angel, and my chauvinistic streak runs deep. In both good and bad ways I tend to be old school when it comes to women.

But, as I told my friend, I've decided that it's wrong to call Hillary by that slur. Because that's what that word is, a slur.

Men only call a woman a bitch when we want to lash out at the most basic level, when we want to hurt a woman at her core. It's like calling a homosexual a fag or a black man a nigger. It's the one word that hurts instantly. The type of word that is meant to cut quickly and deeply with the minimum expenditure of effort.

A "switchblade slur."

And I've decided I'm better than that. I believe my friend is better than that. As a black man, I understand the power of verbal hatred; I understand exactly how much words can hurt.

Despite her myriad flaws, Hillary Clinton deserves respect as a human. She deserves respect as a woman. I can learn to vehemently dislike her and what she represents without crossing the lines of decency.

I've been a hater, now I'm trying to change.

UPDATE: I'm wavering on my promise to change after reading this.