Thursday, April 17, 2008

An Open Letter to My People

Sometimes you people can be so ungrateful.

Seriously, sometimes y'all make a black prophet feel like he ain't nothing. Just two years ago I gave you all the greatest tome in the history of black literature, and then I followed that up with a sequel of damn near equal brillance.

I thought we had forged a Covenant, that could not be broken by credit card debt or boring ass television shows.

I showed all of you exactly how to rise above your mediocre lives and embrace the fullness of being credits to your race. This was only one of 28 books that I've pawned off, I mean provided to you all for you edification.

But, do my people, my children, appreciate my efforts? Do you praise me and gladly line up to provide your names, incomes and spending habits for my annual pimping, er, uplifting of the black community?

No, no you don't because greatness is rarely recognized during its zenith. Instead, you all have turned your backs on a real member of DuBois' famed Talented Tenth, have run off to support the first mulatto who bats his eyes at you. Despite the years I put in working for upstanding black companies like BET, and the partnerships I've forged with community benefactors like Wal-Mart, you raisin-heads swallow this smooth-talking socialite's tripe about hope and change like it's Cold Duck.

Obama has your noses so wide open I could land a 747 on your faces. His every comment has y'all swooning. You've forgotten the years I spent at podiums and book signings making the world a better place in favor of some politician who claims he can bring about real change if you give him real power.

And this isn't just about how y'all have attacked me when I've spoken the unvarnished truth about this elitist imposter on Tom Joyner's Morning Show. No, I can handle the tripe you idiots spew, particularly all you bitter, lonely sistas speculating about my hidden love for white women.

For the last time, it's not white women keeping me single, but black women who haven't embraced the lessons of women like my mother. Maybe if you could cook and didn't have so much attitude you would have a man of your own.

Truthfully, I'm not even mad about that anymore. What really pisses me off is that you ingrates have started questioning white folks who have done so much for you like Hillary and Bill. How dare y'all try to think for yourselves and parse the words of your betters? What qualifies people like you to determine true intent of white folks?

It's just shameful.

So, I'm done. It's over.

Go ahead and embrace your new, favorite Negro, but don't forget this is the same domino who wouldn't even speak honestly about race until he had to defend his pastor!


It's all good. In fact, all of you can let this smooth talker fool you into believing that things will get better in this country, and you won't need me and my cronies to speak for you. Keep sipping that Kool-Aid. I don't need you. I have more pressing business to attend to.

Now, where did I put the program for my roundtable discussion with Cornel West and Michael Eric Dyson on Black America?


editor said...

Honey, that was great! LOL! I just found out about this blog. You're the best. Please tell me I can publish one of these on my site...there's a post you did about the state of the Black union that I REALLLLLLY wanna roll with.

Check me out and say YES!

I have a Black newspaper in Chicago...even those jerks on Fox News quote from my articles.

truth said...

Funny post,
I used to like Tavis, but now he seems a bit out of touch with reality. I just want to know what good has actually come out of the State of the Black union conference he has every year? What action has it led to?

Check out my blog at www.enclave-lion.blogspot, let me know what you think.

Lolo said...

Oh, thank goodness for some laughter. I'm whooped from walking and talking but too wired to sleep even though I've done four loads of laundry. That was funnieness and I have to ask ~ is the kool aid red or blue?

It's still good out here in PA, we had even MORE people dropping into headquarters today and they were there working the phones until nine tonight, bless them.

People are just walking up to me when I'm out and they see my buttons and are so HUNGRY to "fellowship" over all this. During one of my pitstops to pick up more signs, a man from Kenya spoke to me and about the debate he said "I'm a neighor of his. My village is the next village to his in Kenya, his family, and last night and all the time, THAT is how a leader behaves. Like a man, with honour, respecting others and not like a child." He went on but he was so eager for campaign stuff to share out with his friends and told me that I had to go over to the West African store down the road but I told him that that man scares me. But you know, I might just might tomorrow, I just might. (He is the SCOWLIEST man in the whole county and not even I have enough oomph to sunshine my way past that scowl, I swear.)

Other than the Hillary voters, who I swear are the RUDEST people I've ever canvassed in ANY election ~ doors slammed and almost yelling. Other than them, most people are just disgusted by the debate last night and the undecides just want to be convinced that Obama can win. And you know, thanks to Clinton saying last night that he CAN BEAT MCCAIN, I now have her very own words to back us up!


Okay, nite and I'm hoping I don't have nightmares about Tavis and Cornel and Michale Eric sitting around pontificating about the magnificence of Hillary big butt belonging in the WH ... oh!

Lesley Hussein-Q said...

That was great Big Man. Tavis' hand is in Hillbilly's bank account and that is all there is to it. Better yet, I think he's auditioning for the job as Hillbilly's personal Bill O'Reilly.

He is all about himself. How in the world can he look black folks in the eyes and suggest that we rally around that clown after witnessing the despicable way she has chosen to carry out her campaign? This is a no brainer and he should be ashamed of himself.

He and that other bozo Bob Johnson are perpetuating the egregious stereotype that black people aren't smart enough to pay attention to the political process. That we, by instinct, go to the voting precint and vote black no matter what.

I find this to be insulting.

Many blacks were not very eager to jump on Obama's bandwagan in the beginning. And it wasn't because he didn't appear to be "black enough" as the MSM would like to believe. I, a black woman, and many of my friends and family took the time to review his policies and made our decision to support him accordingly. And honestly, I was torn in the beginning because there really isn't much difference betweem Hill and Obama in terms of policy. But she lost me after she decided to venture down the oft traveled road of Southern Strategy.

So Tavis, as we like to say in New Orleans: Go sit down somewhere!!!

Big Man said...

Thanks everybody.


Keep working. I'm really inspired by your dedication.

And Lesley, we've trying to tell everybody exactly what you wrote, but apparently folks don't want to hear the truth, they'd rather live in their fantasy worlds. I guess that's how all the blacks folks supporting Hillary can sleep at night.

Danielle said...

Big Man that was wonderful satire!

Brilliant. I am laughing right now.

Have a great weekend.

Big Man said...


Thanks. I'll probably put one last post before the weekend, so check back.

dewfish said...

that was funny.....

jelana said...

It was truly funny!! I have lost all
respect for Tavis. I guess he is back on the show until June in order
to save face. Hopefully, he will not
make another comment about this election.

Fantastically Misunderstood Me said...

as if it hasn't already been said, this post was PURE HILARITY! as soon as i got to the second graph i knew who you were talking about. "domino"? lol. white w/black spots? i've never heard that one before. sooo on point. poor tavis's ego. let's hope we don't have to put him on suicide watch come november. lol. KIDDING, really...

Truthiz said...

LOL!...Greetings Big Man!

I was away on business and just got around to reading this post.

What can I say? Brilliant!

Yes in deed...simply Brilliant!

Raving Black Lunatic