Free Money

When Dave Chappelle famously screamed "They should have never gave you niggers money" during his now infamous impersonation of Rick James, he was really a prophet.

Not because black people should never be given money; that's an utterly ridiculous assertion. Rather, I think Dave's comment was powerful because it got at the core problems that occur when folks have access to large amounts of money they didn't have to work hard to obtain.

While Chappelle made Rick James yell those comments at Eddie and Charlie Murphy, they were really a damning indictment on the excesses James had embraced in his own life, as evidenced by his lifelong love affair with white girls of all shapes, sizes and purity-levels.

Some folks just can't handle a good thing.

I thought about Chappelle's skit when I read this article in the Washington Post.

This is the kind of scandal that gives late-night comedians Viagra-boners.

Seriously, governmental employees take the credit-cards they were issued as a way to save time and prevent waste, and instead use them to purchase lingerie, vacations and booze. It's like these people sat in their cubicles and tried to figure out the worst way they could eff up at their jobs, and then after figuring it out, turned to each other and said "Git er done."

Using scientific sampling, the report estimated that more than 40 percent of the employees who used the credit cards used them for unacceptable purchases. 40 percent!That means that right now a whole bunch of scared people in DC, Maryland and Virginia are berating themselves for putting that pair of Jimmy Choos or Jordans on the federal tab. Not only did the report find widespread abuse on all purchases, but it also found that people were more likely to abuse the credit cards if they were making purchases greater than $2,500. Now, that is just shameful.

Here are some of the high lights from the article:

In the fraudulent category, a longtime employee of the U.S. Forest Service in Oregon, Debra K. Durfey, wrote convenience checks worth more than $640,000 from 2000 to 2006 to a live-in boyfriend, who used the money for gambling, car expenses and mortgage payments, according to the GAO and the Justice Department.Really Debra? You're going to use the government's money to support your trifling boyfriend's gambling problem? But black folks are supposed to be the one's who can't see the big picture.

Another fraud case involved the U.S. Postal Service, where an unidentified postmaster used his card to charge $1,100 over a 15-month period for "various online dating services" while he was under investigation for viewing pornography on a government computer. The employee worked out an agreement to remain on sick leave until he retired in 2007 and paid back the money spent on the dating services, according to the GAO report and a Postal Service spokesman.Paying for love is never a good idea, but when you go orgasm shopping while already under investigation for watching porn at your desk, well you might have a problem.

In a case the GAO deemed "abusive," the Postal Service spent $13,500 in 2006 on a dinner at a Ruth's Chris Steak House in Orlando, including "over 200 appetizers and over $3,000 of alcohol, including more than 40 bottles of wine costing more than $50 each and brand-name liquor such as Courvoisier, Belvedere and Johnny Walker Gold." The tab came to more than $160 a head for the 81 guests, the report said.This was probably part of the Post Office's new safety program since it's hard to aim a high-powered rifle at your co-workers when you're drunk and full.

This report highlights a stunning display of governmental mismanagement that unfortunately can't even be blamed on the Village Idiot since it has stretched across both Democratic and Republican regimes.

It's just mind-boggling that folks would be stupid enough to put these types of charges on their work credit cards. I mean, stealing office supplies is one thing, but when you're planning romantic getaways on the company's dime, you've clearly crossed the line. These people need to be disciplined just for their stunning lack of common sense, forget about the fact that they bilked taxpayers out of millions.

Some things you just don't do.