Monday, November 16, 2009

Holla We Want Pre-Nup!

What does marriage mean to you?

I once told my wife that before I started really getting serious about marrying her, I never thought about marriage. I mean, I considered it in passing, you know as something I definitely wanted to do one day, but I didn't spend much time pondering what marriage was all about. From what I can tell, this is pretty much standard procedure for most men. We aren't conditioned to spend time day-dreaming about marital bliss, instead we're taught to avoid it as long as possible.

With that said, I always knew that when I got married, it was a forever kind of thing. When I proposed to my wife, I prefaced the actual proposal with one last discussion about how we both had to be committed to marriage for it to work. I didn't want any misunderstandings about what marriage was going to mean for both of us.

However, one thing I never considered was a pre-nuptial agreement.

According to the link I posted, pre-nuptial agreements are all the rage these days, and I can't really blame it on that damn Kanye West. From what I can gather, it seems that a lot of folks view pre-nups as a safety net to keep their marriages on track and protect themselves. You know what I think about that?

They need Jesus.

Nah, seriously though, they might want to check with the Big Guy if they want a safety net. Because I'm pretty sure that little piece of paper is not going to make anybody's marriage any better, and it probably won't even make your divorce easier at least according to the article.

It used to be that folks got pre-nups if they had a lot of money to protect. Now they're using them to make sure that coitus is regular and that the trash is emptied on time. Seems like pre-nups are the new nagging. If your partner isn't acting right, all you have to do is hold up the pre-nup and say "It's in writing."

Yeah, like that's gonna work.

News flash folks, you can't make grown folks behave. Ever. Adults are not children. You can't punish them, or spank them. You pretty much have to ask them nicely and hope for the best. If there is one lesson I've learned in marriage it is that God alone has the power to create change. Any time I try to handle God's work, I just wind up frustrated.

People who think pre-nups will prevent marital headaches are fools. It doesn't matter what's written down on paper, it matters what's in your mate's heart. If they don't want to behave properly, the pre-nup is not going to make them.

Personally, it just rubs me wrong to be entering a permanent union while at the same time planning your exit strategy. It strikes as defeatist. But, hey, what do I know.

I actually got married in the first place.

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16 comments:

Mr. Noface said...

People say I'm stupid, but if I have to even consider a pre-nup before marriage, that marriage is probably not worth it.

Thordaddy said...

Lil' man,

Think about all that you just wrote, the irrelevancy of state sanctioned homosexual coupling, and whether homosexuals can actually get married in this land of the free?

What is the coherent theme that ties it together?

Big Man said...

Thor

Homosexuals can get married. They just can't access the legal benefits of those marriages in many states.

The legal benefits are the problem in my mind. Why can't they have the legal benefits? Are we saying that being a homosexual makes you unfit to have the legal benefits of marriage, but being an adulterer doesn't? Why?

Thordaddy said...

Lil' man,

The entire point of your blog was to let people know that God and marriage are inseparable and a pre-nup represents an articulated lack of REAL marriage commitment. To then claim that homosexual coupling receiving state sanction in order to gain benefits IS also marriage is illogical and irrational. It is the work of radical autonomy. Contracting with the state for gain of benefit IS NOT marriage. If marriage were the real concern of homosexuals then there would only be a fight between the homosexual and the god he claims justifies his "marriage."

MarrellK said...

"Personally, it just rubs me wrong to be entering a permanent union while at the same time planning your exit strategy."

Well said *applauds Lil' Man*

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Big Man said...

Thor

You've missed my point on this many times.

A "marriage" is what people make it.

I believe "marriage" is a sacred union ordained by God that is for life. I believe this is what God intended.

Lots of people disagree with me.

Some see it as a business partnership between consenting adults. Or a celebration of love between any two consenting adults.

It doesn't matter to me waht they think since their thoughts don't affect my thoughts. What they see as acceptable forms of marriage has nothing to do with me and my God.

However, I understand that sympathize with their complaints that this country has decided that one idea of marriage trumps all others when it comes to extending certain benefits. I see this as hypocritical.

The marriage ordained by God was supposed to be between a man and a woman who committed to each other for the rest of their lives. If these two people had not been married before, they were supposed to be virgins when they were married.

That's not the case today. Very few people hold to God's view of how marriage should work. Yet, these same people believe that despite their failure to honor God in their unions, they should be allowed certain rights and privileges by the government because they are legally married.

I can't see using God's will to justify denying people certain rights in a secular country where most of the people who are trumpeting about God's will for marriage don't apply those same standards to their own lives. That's blatant hypocrisy.

Therefore, I can think homosexuality is a sin and I can think it's impossible to have a homosexual marriage recognized by God as a marriage, and yet still believe that homosexuals should either be given the right to legally marry, or should be given all of hte rights of the legally married when they partner up in a civil union.

Just because I think something is wrong doesnt' mean I think it should be illegal.

Thordaddy said...

Lil' man,

Wow!!! That's one piece of convoluted thinking.

You believe marriage is the union between man and woman ordained by God because IT IS TRUE!

All further attempts at implying some other idea of marriage (state-sanction of homosexual coupling with gain of benefit) is ALSO "marriage" is an exercise in intellectual fraud. And the idea that YOU can't force Truth on society is self-evidently FALSE.

To say that marriage is whatever people say it is, is the same as society dissolving the institution of marriage. To say your idea of marriage is as equally true as the homosexual's idea of marriage is implying that both your notions of marriage may be entirely false?

The way out of this psychological trap is the simple understanding that our American society no more defined the notion of marriage as the union of man/woman than did we decide that marriage was the province of God.

And lastly, the notion of hypocrisy falls flat and in reality represents nothing but a tactic to define marriage out of existence. If one is liberal, as all homosexual coupling advocates are, hypocrisy is a fundamental right and therefore becomes an absurd charge against those who KNOW what marriage IS whether or not they engage or practice it faithfully. In fact, the engaging or practice of not ideal marriage IN NO WAY AFFECTS the Truth of God-ordained marriage.

Big Man said...

Thor

You and I obviously don't think alike.

Where you see convoluted, I see a refusal to ignore nuance and reality.

You continue to pretend that most marriages in America still have something to do with God.

I refuse to live that lie. Just because something happens in church and God's name is mentioned doesn't mean it involves God.

The divorce rates and adultery rates tell me that many people don't view marriage as an irrevocable union before God. For them to try to use God as a shield for what they're doing bothers me, but clearly it doesn't bother you.

I know what God ordained as marriage. That's what I practice. What other people do doesn't matter to me. I don't see this as a situation where people are being hurt or injured and need to be protected.

This is basically a situation where people are behaving in a manner I deem a sin, but they are only truly hurting themselves. I'm not concerned about it.

Thordaddy said...

Lil' man,

How is claiming homosexual coupling to be "marriage" not make you an accessory to the lie that marriage ISN'T a God-ordained union between man and woman? Again, just because our increasely liberal society doesn't see marriage as a God-ordained man/woman union doesn't make the Truth any less truthful. Secondly, you are adding to the dissolution of marriage as you pretend to protect your own. But either your marriage is uniquely meaningful or it's equally valuable to everyone else that claims marriage? Ask your wife what she thinks?

Thordaddy said...

Lil' man,

Here's the reality that you must contend with.

Homosexuals can get married almost anywhere across this land.

Homosexuals can get civil unions with identical benefits to marriage in a majority of states.

Homosexuals CANNOT get civil unions that are called "marriages."

This is intolerable to the radical homosexual. But why...? Because MARRIAGE is the enemy! The ability to make it meaningless is the goal because radical autonomy is the goal. One wants his marriage and the right to say what it is too. And if he grants everyone the same right, he is being fair and equal. Whether marriage actually means something is unknown. Clearly, you can see the fallacy in this?

Big Man said...

Thor

I already stated my opinion several times.

I don't care what homosexuals call their unions. I support them having the same legal rights and benefits as married couples when they partner up for life.
I think homosexuality is a sin, and homosexual unions are not recognized by God.

That's where I stand. I truly do not believe that homosexuals calling their unions "marriage" is going to affect me or my children if I teach them what "thus says the Lord."
No more than I think that married couples who engage in swinging will affect my children or my marriage.

My marriage is between me and my wife and God. That's it. Those are the only three entities that truly matter.

If that doesn't make sense to you, so be it.

Thordaddy said...

Lil' man,

Follow your beliefs to the end.

Homosexual "marriage" will not affect my marriage

Equals

Homosexual "marriage" will not affect marriage.

Equals

Marriage will not affect marriage.

So what is the point of homosexual marriage???

Nothing!!!

It is simply a matter of homosexuals wanting something and that want justifies getting it even though it means nothing to society.

Thordaddy said...

Further, your desire to relegate the Truth of God-ordained man/woman marriage as opinion shows that your liberalism is PRIMARY and your "Christianity" simply works
to obscure this fact.

Again, what lil' man law says he CAN'T force Truth upon the masses...? Your liberalism...?

Big Man said...

Salvation is a choice.

I think you missed that somewhere, but keep doing you.

Raving Black Lunatic