Um, If I Were You I Would Duck

Willacy County District Attorney Juan Angel Guerra has balls the size of boulders.

Don't believe me?

Read this story.

Did y'all see that? This cat, who has had his own problems with the law, recently decided that before he left office he was going to indict Vice President Dick Cheney on corruption charges related to abuse in privately-run prisons. Guerra also indicted Alberto Gonzalez and a couple other minor political figures.

That's a brave dude.

We're talking about Dick Cheney, here. The guy who has no problem with torture or releasing the names of CIA operatives to the public. The guy who masterminded the Patriot Act and greatly expanded the powers of the Vice President.

The same Dick Cheney who shot his homeboy in the face and chest with a shotgun and then told the media, in Cartman's voice, "What's the big deal, bitches?"

Yeah, that Dick Cheney. The Geriatric Gatbuster.

Man, I'll admit that I wouldn't eff with Cheney unless I had a gang of politically connected mofos on my team. All that talk swirling around the blogosphere about how Cheney needs to be indicted for his role in torturing terror suspects is just talk. Random folks behind computer screens who wouldn't bust a grape in a fruit fight. Or indict a Vice President if he spit on them.

Couldn't be me. To put it simply, Dick Cheney is filthy rich and super-connected. He could have my big, black ass in Guantanamo faster than I could say "Jolly Roger." (Shout out to the Somali pirates doing their thing. My homegirl is obsessed with them. I think she just wants some water thug-loving.)

I'm joking about my cowardice, but I'm also a little serious. Even though this indictment probably won't go anywhere, it will definitely make the news for a little while. And that could convince news organizations to look into the private prison industry and how it functions. And if the news media starts shining its lights around all those dark corners, I expect a gang of cobwebs to be exposed.

Which is going to eff with somebody's money, right? In our current economic situation, effing with people's money is a good way to get deallt with.

And Dick Cheney doesn't mind riding on punks.

Even though Attorney General Guerra obviously did this to settle old political scores before he leaves office, it's still a fairly ballsy move. After all, he does live in Texas, the beating heart of conservatism and the place that produced our current National Shame. In the land of Bush, I'm pretty sure it's not a good deal to start attacking the lame duck President's right-hand man. I don't care how good your retirement package is, you can still get touched by the feds.

I have to take my hat off to Guerra, he clearly is a man who fears no one.

But, I ain't standing next to his dumb ass in public. Sharpshooters can miss too.

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