Our Turn Now

"(There is) a large subset of white people in this country who feel that they are losing everything they know, that the country their forefathers built has somehow been stolen from them."

Mark Potok of the Southern Poverty Law Center, commenting on the dramatic increase in the number of racially motivated crimes occurring across the country since Barack Obama's victory

I was afraid of this.

Shout out to my faithful reader the Original Glamazon who put me on to game. I don't partake in the whole Facebook or Myspace deal, so I wouldn't have known. But, apparently some of my paler brethren are a little frightened because they're worried that black people are collectively shouting the title of this blog. Wait, check that, they are actually scared black folks are saying something a little more blunt.

Move bitch, get out the way.

*Sigh*

After all these years, it's funny how little white people seem to know about black people. Remember the uproar when Michelle Obama gave her husband a little love on stage? One fist bump had every news organization in the world writing front page pieces on how black people express affection and some white folks were honestly threatened. Terrorist fist jab anyone?

My white readers, are you and your friends really worried that it's payback time now? Nah, I can't believe that. After all, 44 percent of y'all voted for a Negro for president. That wouldn't have happened if y'all thought he was going to only help black people. I'm sure that if y'all suspected black people were going to get cute once Obama won, he would have been dead on arrival.

Look, black people have been waiting too long for this day risk effing it up. We are going to be on our best behavior. Sure, there will be some bad apples, but for the most part, black people are all working to insure that Obama is not the first and last black president. We want our kids to have a shot.

That's why, I'm going to chalk up the recent white backlash against Obama to sour grapes and just let it slide. No need for me to take any serious action or give a serious comment. Folks are a little scared and they did some dumb stuff.

Besides, black people do not want to get white folks riled up. After all, white people are the masters of catchback. Not only do white people not let go of slights, but they make up stuff to get angry about. Just ask all that strange fruit in the South.

I think we as black people are going to have to get on our collective jobs as Magical Negroes and soothe the angst and fear among the white population. We have to let our pale brethren know that things will be all right for them, that we are not taking over the country. After all, it'll be much easier for us to run shit if we let them believe they are still in charge. It'll be kind of like being married.

Here are a few tips make white people comfortable with this whole transition of power...Uh, I mean comfortable with having a colored president:

1. Do not sing "My president is black and my lambo is blue..." while working in the office. Not only do you not have a lambo, reminding white people that you think of Obama as "your" president only reinforces their fears.

2. You cannot have an Obama t-shirt for everyday of the week, and your Obama t-shirt should not be worn to large gatherings of white people. That means no Obama t-shirts at Target or Whole Foods market. Sure, those liberals might have voted for him too, but seeing you decked out in the Obama shirt, hat and Air Force Ones still might scare them.

3. Screaming out "It's Obama time" while watching CNN at work is unacceptable. It just is. Sorry. Save that for your couch.

4. Do not respond to criticism of Obama with "Don't make me get my knife." Even if you are joking, white people will not understand. Obama is a big boy, he doesn't need you to lose your job. People can disagree with the president. It's their right.

5. Finally, if you cut someone off in traffic, or get into an argument period, do not use your hand to form an "O" and then say "What?" That is just out of bounds. Black people are not part of a gang, and Obama is not an OG. Just don't do it.


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