Is It Me?

Sometimes I be tripping.

My wife has accused me of having a suspicious nature. She says that I'm always assuming the worst about folks, even her. Apparently, I'm constantly on the lookout in case she's trying to manipulate me into doing something. Whether it be taking her somewhere, or watching the kids, or anything, I'm always searching for ulterior motives in my personal interactions. She calls it crazy, I call it common sense.

After all, my experience with women has shown me that most of them do not prefer the direct approach when it comes to conflict. They like to flank you with innocuous questions and observations before they spring their traps. I've seen it too many times. So I stay alert.

The thing is, I'm also suspicious in other areas. Folks have accused me of being fairly suspicious when it comes to racial matters. Seems that people think I'm a bit cynical and they believe I'm constantly searching for the worst. I just think I keep my mind open to negative possibilities, but maybe I'm wrong. Maybe, I really do have problem.

For example, when I discovered this story the first thing I thought was "Damn, only a white kid."

If you follow the link, you'll find the charming tale of Colton Harris-Moore, young burglar who has terrorized the Pacific Northwest, but has managed to develop a cult following among thousands. I stumbled across Moore's story while doing an internet search for videos of killer whale attacks. Seems the folks of Orca Island are currently on high alert because authorities believe that Moore is back in town and looking to steal.

Anyway, I found this kid's story beyond fascinating. I mean, it's not that he's a cult hero that's so shocking, it's fairly normal for Americans to champion criminals; how else can we explain the popularity of gangster movies? Nah, I just wondered how a kid could commit that many crimes, over such a long period of time, and still manage to elude authorities. Seriously, little black kids in the hood do hard time for petty crime at the mall, and this kid is stealing airplanes!

Or how about this dude also in the Pacific Northwest (Is it the sunshine, the rain or trees?). This guy decides he doesn't like the police, so he just starts giving them the finger. He said it's because he wants to protect his right to free speech, and I applaud that. But, I ain't gonna be flipping the police off just to taunt them either.

See, I'm black. That means I live in a different reality from little boys who steal airplanes for kicks and become folk heroes, and older white men who give the police the bird without fear of violence. I'm not a coward, but my actions in my reality are tempered by my understanding of the rules of my reality. Mainly, that the rules that white people assume exist to protect and shield us, don't always apply to me.

White people believe that circumstances and intent can justify a little boy robbing people. Black people recognize that we go to jail everyday despite our circumstances and intent. White folks believe that if they are exercising their Constitutional rights they are entitled to protection. Black folks understand that when it comes to the police, you're not even entitled to your life.

Is that just me? Am I the only black person living by these rules? Has my suspicious and cynical nature created a reality that doesn't truly exist? Am I missing out on an opportunity to live free from the fetters of injustice simply because I refuse to see that my shackles have disappeared?

Is it me?


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