Homie, Just Shut Up

There are quite a few interesting race-based topics floating around the Internet these days such as the recent Supreme Court ruling on workplace discrimination, and the news that white folks on Twitter would prefer if it stayed segregated.

However, I want to talk about something related to matters of the heart. Namely, South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford and his inability to shut the hell up.

Y'all know Sanford. He's the idiot who destroyed his marriage and political aspirations by carrying on an affair with an Argentinian woman, and basically disappearing from the face of the Earth to break up with her. If that wasn't bad enough, the good Governor has decided he would like to show every man in America how NOT to apologize to the world for being an adulterous whoremonger.

First, taking a step back, what type of dude is stupid enough to fly down to Argentina to tell his jump-off things are over? Really, homie? You couldn't just call her and say "Nah, I'm cool"? You had to fly down there for 10 DAYS to break things off and only came back once things got so hectic in the states that folks thought you might be dead?

You sir, are an idiot.

But, to compound things, when you got caught with your pants down, you decided to hold a press conference and volunteer personal information about your affair. And you were stupid enough to write love letters on your government email. Dude, what is wrong with you? Was this like a cry for help? It seems like you were begging the world to catch you and punish you.

Seriously, rule number one for every embarrassing press conference is to take no more than four questions if you take any questions. Remember how Kobe handled his press conference after he was accused of rape? Homie read a prepared statement, took no questions and made sure his wife had her new $4 million ring front and center. Yeah, he took some flak, but he wasn't sweating and stumbling as the vultures in the media asked him about whether he loved his wife.

Which brings me to my next point. Why is Sanford still talking to reporters and revealing information about his marriage, his affair or ANYTHING? The most recent news is that Sanford believes his mistress was his soulmate and now he will "try" to fall back in love with his wife.

I feel like punching him in the eye.

Dude, how are you going to say that out loud? Were you high? 'Cause if you were high, maybe I could understand saying something like that. But, if you were sober and fixed your mouth to say "I'll try to fall back in love with my wife," well you should be smacked by a pimp named Bubbles. And smacked hard.

Who would say something that stupid? In the annals of stupid comments, that ranks right up there with Bill Clinton saying "It depends on how you define sex" and O.J. saying "Well if I would have done it, here's how it would have happened."

I refuse to believe that any self-respecting woman would take back a man who said his jump off was his soulmate and then said he would do his best to fall back in love with her. I mean, that goes beyond forgiveness. It's just too far.

Does Sanford have any real friends? I'm guessing no, because a real friend would not allow him to keep talking to the media and a real friend would have let him know that calling your mistress your soulmate is stupid. Real friends protect you from yourself, but I guess all Sanford has are sycophants around him.

And that's why he won't shut up.


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