Follow up to yesterday's discussion.
Why so many sisters be lying?
Before the eyes start rolling and folks get pissed off, I don't mean that black women just lie in general. Nah, I don't say stupid shit like that anymore.
What I'm talking about is when sisters put on their "progressive, liberated, open-minded" mask in order to look good in public. It's the same mask worn by a lot of the sisters who commented on this post by The Field Negro.
Now, this doesn't have anything to do with the post Field made. His comments were on-point, and any man who has ever been in a relationship with a woman understands how you have to use trickiness to sneak peeks at random fine sisters. My pops passed along a great strategy to me once I got serious with wife, but before we were married.
Pops said that when you're out with your wife and a fine woman is approaching, you take your time and enjoy the view while the woman is a good distance off. Then, when the woman gets right up on you, you barely give her a glance as she walks past. Just a brief head turn, but no real looking. See, if you didn't look at all, your woman would be suspicious, but if you take that quick peek then she is convinced you're not really interested. And you've already gotten the extended view without your wife noticing.
Genius.
Field's post wasn't the problem. The problem was all the intelligent sisters who commented on it and started lying through their teeth about how they don't mind if their man looks at beautiful women while they are out as long as it's done in a respectful manner. They said their men don't have to use subterfuge because they would even go so far as to point out fine sisters for them to look at.
A bunch of damn liars.
There may be some sisters who truly are confident and cool enough to encourage their men to check out that stallion in a halter top and daisy dukes, but I ain't met them. Maybe some women are so secure that when another woman with a bright future behind her walks by, they are the first ones to pat their man on the arm so he can appreciate the view.
Like I said, I just ain't met them.
Nah, what I've found is a bunch of beautiful intelligent women who tell you that it's okay to check out the menu if you're fasting, but then rip you a new asshole when you start examining the daily specials. A much larger new asshole too.
Look, I don't begrudge women the right to get mad when they catch their man sneaking a peek. I'm not one of those men who is going to argue that y'all should be ok with it because we're just looking. The Good Book says that the devil loves to work with the lust of the eyes, the lust of the flesh and the pride of life. And during the summertime, Satan has a lot of material to work with when it comes to the those first two categories.
Looking too much can lead to problems at home whether it's actual infidelity, or a general loss of intimacy and confidence. I know I would never give my wife permission to start checking out diesel cats on the street, and if I catch her we gonna have beef. So, by no means am I telling women to stop policing their husbands or boyfriend's eyes. That's y'all's job.
What I'm asking is that you be upfront about it. If you're ok with a brief sideways glance, tell a brother that's all he gets. If you're ok with a longer look and a quiet "damn" then God bless you. But, if you want your man to keep his eyes on the road don't go around telling him that it's ok for him to take in the scenery. Men prefer clear directions, we don't like to figure shit out.
Let's keep it simple.
Pay Attention
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11 comments:
LOL...WoW!
This site "is like a box a chocolates_ya neva know whatchU gonna git."
Well, I don't want folks to get bored.
there are times when i mind and when i don't mind if a man looks at another woman.
if we are together, looking is a no no. you might as well turn to me and tell me that you don't find me attractive.
for example when you explained your father's method to check out other women you had to qualify it by saying you can only do it when you met the chick you want to marry, but only BEFORE you married her. that implies that you found that one, but just in case it doesn't work out you are still keeping an eye out for the next one. that's what bothers me about my man looking at other women.
now if im with a dude im just messing with, or my homies, i will HELP them look at other women. i'll say something like "ey check this one out, she got nice X and great Y" its fun. but its a dangerous game that i play, because I do it hoping that he would turn to me and say no girl you are way better than her. that has never happened. but i don't get mad because, i'm not "with" that guy.
ask yourself deep down, if that wouldn't bother you. the chick you are with checking other men out in front of you?
there are times when i mind and when i don't mind if a man looks at another woman.
if we are together, looking is a no no. you might as well turn to me and tell me that you don't find me attractive.
for example when you explained your father's method to check out other women you had to qualify it by saying you can only do it when you met the chick you want to marry, but only BEFORE you married her. that implies that you found that one, but just in case it doesn't work out you are still keeping an eye out for the next one. that's what bothers me about my man looking at other women.
now if im with a dude im just messing with, or my homies, i will HELP them look at other women. i'll say something like "ey check this one out, she got nice X and great Y" its fun. but its a dangerous game that i play, because I do it hoping that he would turn to me and say no girl you are way better than her. that has never happened. but i don't get mad because, i'm not "with" that guy.
ask yourself deep down, if that wouldn't bother you. the chick you are with checking other men out in front of you?
Anon
Oh, it would bother me, which is why I said it's a no-no for my wife and why I don't have a problem with her checking me if she catches me doing it.
And my pops plan was for married men, he just taught it to me before I got married.
I content myself with the fact my wife has just about zero problem with me checking out women on the page or on the screen. I don't risk much more than a split-second glance at the in-real-life variety.
Truth is, my wife probably wouldn't check me or clock me unless I was drooling, but I would worry about hurting her feelings, so it's just not worth the risk to me to do it with her when out on the street or in the mall.
But I co-sign with you completely on women laying out the rules, Big Man! Too often, we're told that something is OK or stuff is left vague, and then we catch fire and damnation style wrath for doing "wrong." Ladies, we cannot read your minds and we cannot anticipate everything. Help us out unless you truly just want to leave traps for us to fall into so that you can have excuses to get mad...and if THAT'S the case, be honest that that's what you're doing.
You will love reading this study: Monkeys Pay Per View.
In a nutshell, our cousins will pay with their goodies to get a peek at the female hindquarters of another monkey, or also, to peek at a male who is higher in hierarchy.
Wow! Well let me just say I don't care. I just don't. My belief is that if a man is going to cheat he is going to cheat and no amount of hand slapping head popping or screaming is going to change that. I'd rather save all that time for something way more productive or at least a few extra puffs of air on my death bed.
I'm a point her out kinda girl because I appreciate a beautiful woman as much as a man does because as a woman I know what goes into making head turns, not saying I'm a head turner, I just know what goes into it.
I'm sorry you have never met a woman secure enough in who she is not to be bother by her man looking. Sucks for you, but hey to each his own.
I really do think that there are more women who don't care than you give credit for, especially once you are over a certain age or have been with the person for a long time.
-OG
Well, I'm sure I know most people's response, but I'ma say it anyways.
Um, are we really, as humans, hardwired to be with one person for, let's just randomly say, 20 years at a time?
I mean, I always hear people giving advice on how to do it, what to do and what not to do which seems to tell me that we're possibly going against the NATURAL order of things.
What we as humans have been used to is the NUTURAL (is that even a real word, lol) order of things--or rather the ways in which we have been socialized and acculturated over these many hundreds of years.
This is not to say that marriage or relationships are bad things, but in the back of my mind, I simply wonder. Also, I think the singular hole in that idea is that I feel that children were meant to be raised in some sort of familial structure that includes both male and female.
However, I just wonder, were we really programmed, or hardwired, to do this "I'ma be with you 'till death do us part'" or is it a particular desire or archetype that societies over the centuries and cross-culturally have raised as what is expected.
That aside, good two posts, I enjoyed em.
JLL
@ JLL
It's a valid point to make and certainly a legitimate debate path. I guess my only response is: There are a lot of things we aren't very hard-wired for as humans, that we should still aspire to, among them: self-sacrifice, compassion, and delayed gratification.
But to more specifically respond to your question, I think it's probably more accurate to ask, are men appropriately set up emotionally and otherwise to be LOYAL to the same person for X years...as opposed to whether they should settle down with a person for X years. There is a lot to be said for being a unit in a cold, hard cruel world.
I've always been of the mind that I should rise above my hard-wiring whenever possible. I hate to be a victim of genetics. ;-)
Interesting.
I'm a chick who used to date chicks, so when I met my husband I commented on women left and right. Finally, my man came to believe me after I assured him for the hundredth time that he, too, could look at women. "You can look at her... it's ok... she got a big Duke." (He's from Alabama [no jokes please] and that's what they call azzes in Alabama -- DUKES).
Well fast forward to last week. I spotted her long before he did which I have to do sometimes so that I can get a good look without him seeing me getting that good look. I don't want him to mistakenly think I REALLY still like women; I don't, but I still really enjoy the views.
So, I see this tall, creamy skinned, REAL hair, beautiful, dime -- no Silever Dollar -- at the end of the aisle. After thinking, "damn!" to myself I jerked my head towards the husband and something foreign washed over me: JEALOUSY! Whoa. I honestly wasn't used to that emotion where women are concerned.
I came to realize right then that it is ok if my husband looks at a marginally attractive woman, even a real fine OK in the face looking woman...but a fine AND beautiful flawless female....? He can look, but he can't comment. I don't want to hear, "damn" "she thick" "ooh shit" -- NONE of that. Just look and keep it moving.
The trick is... he can talk about a woman as much as he wants if she doesn't look much better than I look on a good day. :-)
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