Thinking About Ordinary

My wife seemed shocked.

Somehow, the words I'd just spoken really didn't compute. They made sense to me, in fact they even felt like pearls of wisdom. But to her, they were totally foreign.

"I always thought that was weird," she said.

Now it was my turn to be surprised. Weird? How could she see something so sensible, so correct, so ordinary as weird? On what planet would my suggestion be weird? How could any marriage function abiding by any other rules?

I grew watching my parents fight. Not with fists, but with angry, harsh words. I vowed I would never repeat that mistake.

But, I also grew up watching my parents work at staying married. And they weren't shy about telling my brother and I about their work. They explained the compromises, the agreements. I learned mostly through observation and direct questioning. Slowly, a worldview developed, a blueprint for marriage that I took into my union.

Ah, but blueprints are only plans. Wishful thinking some might say.

Reality often differs from our blueprints. In reality, many of the things I assumed were "ordinary" were far from it. In real life, things rarely went as smoothly as I imagined despite my attempts to plan and discuss every possible eventuality. Talking before committing is a must, but words are only words, and it's actions that matter in a marriage.

Marriage has given me a different outlook on life. I'm still surprised when people see the same world I see but see it totally differently, but now I've learned how to deal with it better. That's what forever will teach you. One of the main lessons I've learned is that the unique nature of every family contributes to to unique nature of every person.

My wife and I disagree often over what is ordinary, acceptable and reasonable, and I'm sure that's common for most couples. But, it extends beyond couples. Most of the disagreements we have in life relate to differences of opinion about what is ordinary, acceptable and reasonable. Call it the Oar Effect.

More people need to admit that their worldview is just their worldview. It's important to them, but that doesn't give it any special degree of importance to the rest of the world. If we want other people to respect and appreciate our worldview, we must extend that same courtesy to others. It's ridiculous how many of us refuse to extend the same respect we demand for ourselves.

Let's make that ordinary.


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