Tuesday, December 8, 2009

And The Beat Goes On

Sitting in the pew Sunday a little surprised.

Pastor is really agitated. Seems like there is some trouble brewing in God's House and, like most preachers, he's addressing it directly from the pulpit. Calling folks out for being divisive, for being gossips, for being close-minded. Then he's apologizing if he offended anyone without knowing it. Looks like some real mess popped off the week my wife and I were away from church visiting family.

So, I'm sitting there wondering why church people love mess, when my pastor really lets loose. He's talking about men leaving their families. He's calling on young couple to come to him for counseling before their marriages implode. He's begging the church to rally around each other and be the support we all need.

Now, I'm listening for real.

My married folks know what's up. It's not until you join the fraternity that you realize what really goes into remaining a member of MFL (Married For Life.) The fights discussions, the yelling loud discussions and the illogical debates talks about feelings. That's just the tip of the iceberg. I firmly believe that while you can prepare for marriage before you exchange the rings, you really are not going to understand what it's about until you're knee deep in your first argument with your wife. As you're standing there trying to decide if a jury of your peers would really convict you, then you'll realize the truth.

This thing ain't for the faint-hearted.

Tiger Woods and his marriage are in the news. Before him, Michael Jordan, and Bill Clinton and Kobe Bryant all took their turn in the infidelity and marriage limelight. (Look how I through Bill in with the brothers. At least he's still the first black something...)

I'm not here to justify Tiger's adultery. Nor am I here to pile on more insults. It's not that I don't see something wrong with Tiger's behavior, I do. Nor am I overwhelmed with sympathy for his public flogging. Homeboy should be able to handle it. Yet, I also can't work up too much anger for what he did mainly because I'm always sad when I see a marriage flame out. Whether it's the marriage of a billionaire golfer, or the marriage of a young church member, the pain still exists.

Life is hard for married couples. Sometimes, when I'm particularly down, I wonder if Paul had it right when he said it was better to stay single and celibate than tie yourself down to the ball and chain forever. Then again, I would be a lying fool if I thought I was going to stay single and celibate. I ain't built like that.

I'm always astounded at the folks who maintain thriving marriages without the use of God. I know for me, my faith and my commitment to God is one of the main reasons I'm willing to stay married when it seems like it would be easier to let things fall apart. For folks to handle the trials and tribulations without the massive rock I depend upon is admirable.

Often, it seems like the idea of melding two individuals into one married working unit is idiocy. Two people, often with very different worldviews, are going to join forces to do battle against the wiles of the enemy, all while trying to figure out how to stay enamored with each other? And raise children? We might as well jump the Grand Canyon on a mini-bike since we're shooting for the moon.

Yet, despite the grim news about marriage statistics, folks still make it. Couples grow old together. They grow old and HAPPY together. Even if they can't learn to love each other's faults, they manage to learn learn that the benefits they get from their union far outweigh the costs. They learn that there is beauty in marriage, there is strength in preserving a union. Eventually, they learn that it was all worth it.

Because the beat goes on.



Thordaddy said...

That's real nice, Big Man.

Tit for Tat said...

Because the beat goes on.

And on, on, on.........Good post.

T.A.N. Man said...

Word ... it definitely does.

Deacon Blue said...

If anyone ever is able to make a real prep manual for marriage that works for most people, it'll be a best-seller. This is a thing that one really CAN only learn by doing...persevering...and having faith (religious or otherwise)

Fine post, sir.

blackgirlinmaine said...

Excellent post! If only people knew what was really involved but yes despite it all many of us not only stay together and still love each other.

Thordaddy said...

Lil' man,

It is crazy though how you are of two minds about marriage and it's your liberalism that's at the root of this cognitive dissonance. You recognize that marriage is something inherently tough to PRESERVE AND MAINTAIN let alone the difficulty in reaching its essence. So how do you square this with your liberal view on homosexual coupling? Does your inherent recognition of the difficulty of preserving and maintaining marriage only refer to YOU or also the institution? If you abolish the remaining distinctive character of marriage then in what way are you helping to preserve and maintain marriage?

I say it is only by making it meaningless.

Big Man said...


I say you wear some mighty big blinders.

Thordaddy said...

Lil' man,

Then fill in my vision. Take any assertion I've made about you that you think is false and tell me why?

I mean this cat just claimed that he broke down the racists on ESPN. Lol!!! Fo' real??? The same ESPN employees hanging on the jocks of all those black athletes??? Those sorry white boys are racist? Come on, bra... That's hilarious.

Big Man said...

Nah Thor, you're just fine.

Raving Black Lunatic