Thursday, August 6, 2009

Daddies and Mommies

Could you be my daddy? 'Cause I need a daddy. Could you be my daddy, 'cause I need a daddy...

This blares from my radio at least once a day. It's the intro to Twista's new song about creating slippery walls in the nether regions of females, and it bothers me.

Is might just be me, but I find something disturbing about a woman singing about her need for a daddy, right before a portly rapper talks about providing her with sexual favors to make her feel good. Besides the fact that "daddy" is often a term used by pimps and hoes, just the idea that a grown woman is out searching for a father figure and is settling for somebody who has an erect penis and money is a problem to me.

And it's not just this song, it's many others. I hear these little poo butt rappers and their crooning counterparts talking about "lil momma this" and "baby girl that" and it makes me want to slap the black off somebody. You really want to have sex doggiestyle with somebody you call "momma?" Really?

Something is perverse about this whole movement to use terms like daddy and momma to describe people who aren't actually filling anything that resembles a parental role. In fact, I would say that this new state of affairs is even more troubling considering the fact that so many black folks seem to have difficulty filling the roles of daddy and mommy with their actual kids. Seems like men and women are more than happy to partake in the fantasy of being a daddy, mommy or child, but less than eager to actually deal with the harsh realities of those roles.

When did it become acceptable to become an adult searching for a mommy or daddy to engage in a relationship with? When did it become cool to be so incomplete as a human being that you need somebody else to raise you? In my mind that's never going to be cool, but it seems like I'm in the minority these days.

Who wants to be involved with somebody that needs a daddy or mommy? I would wager that the kinds of people seeking out relationships with immature and undeveloped individuals are not exactly the folks that are going to make your life great.

I'm sure that some folks will scoff at my anger. They will point out that I'm taking these songs too literally, that people aren't really looking for mommies and daddies, they just think it sounds sexy in a song. The thing is, I don't buy it. Music either reflects the current reality, or it projects a reality on its listeners that the musician would like to pretend exists.

The current state of black music is a reflection of the lack of development of so many young black people. I don't know when it happened, but clearly we have crossed a threshold where long held beliefs are no longer sacred, and most folks are cool with that. It used to be that being a daddy or mommy meant something more than the physical joining of egg and sperm, but that's changed. It used to be that independence was a sign of adulthood, but that's changed. We've all decided that what's cool now are random exchanges of bodily fluid designed to procure money or gifts or status. It's bogus.

And where are the real parents, dammit?



Tit for Tat said...

The current state of black music is a reflection of the lack of development of so many young black people.(Big Man)

Not so sure its just a black issue, afterall look at eminem. I just think culture has taken a turn. I think the eagles summed it up best in there song "Get over it."

"I'd like to find your inner child and kick its little ass, get over it, get over it" ;)

Imhotep said...

Big Man, I'm not into the hip hop culture, but I hear you about the objectionable lyrics. Now, I don't believe the primary motivation with the lyrics is to be crass, I believe the primary motivation is to get paid. I'm sure you're familiar with the term studio gangsta, that’s just someone trying to get paid pretending to be a bad ass.

Here is the money angle. I've seen research showing that young white folks buy more rap music than any other group. They have the disposable income, and can keep the industry going.

The performers have to follow the dictates of that record label, if not the label will recruit someone else (with the enticement of money) to spit out salacious lyrics. For the most part, the performers do not control the production, marketing and distribution of the product. The performer is merely a substitutable part with limited control of the entire process. The label company controls distribution and count the money. I think you want to follow the money to see who is encouraging those multi $$billion lyrics.

Shady_Grady said...

I don't necessarily think it's anything new. There are plenty of songs by Bessie Smith, Dinah Washington or Lady Day talking about "daddies" or "poppas" and what they need from them. There are just as many songs by male blues or jazz artists talking about their "mamas" or "babies". The Andrews Sisters had a hit with a song titled "Beat Me Daddy, Eight to the bar". Everyone knows the double meanings of the word "papi".

People have always used familial language to indicate or emphasize non-familial romantic/sexual relationships.

KST said...

^Okay, but there is still something very disturbing about the song Big Man is writing about. That song just gives me chills, (not in a good way) and I think it's because there are so many young black women who grow up without the benefit of having a father. They do, in fact, need a daddy and not one that wants to impregnate them and create another fatherless child Just sayin...

As for all of the other songs mentioned - good point, doesn't make it less creepy though.

The Pied Piper said...

Seriously I don't think any grown woman, or young woman for that matter, should call a man to whom she is in any way romantically attracted... daddy.. (or any variation thereof). I've always found it offputting. Just as much as I've found it off-putting when a guy trying to "talk" to me would call me "ma".... I'm not your mom.... and I do not need a daddy. It's not cute... it actually is disturbing. How can someone, while in the throes of passion, call that man "daddy." I have a daddy, and I do NOT wish to EVER think about him while I'm getting down... period. No way. No how. Not EVER. And the distorted desire to associate the two... is distressing, at best.


(I know I'm late but I just saw this blog and thought I'd comment)

Raving Black Lunatic