Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Shhhhh...They Listening

Awww, damn, they know.

What do they know? Well they know this.

Somebody took "start snitching" to heart.

Who told this sister it was ok to start decoding racial messages for white people? And I know that author of that article is a sister because her fist name is "Nia." Ain't no white people naming their children "Nia." That's a black name like Tyrone and Keisha.

Why she had to let the white folks in on the secret?

Us black folks were enjoying ourselves watching Obama sneak his swagger into the White House. It was like a private message he only gave us. We knew what his "bop" signified, just like we knew that he could drop his verbs if he needed too. Whether he was brushing his shoulders off or bumping fists with his wife, Big Homie had his little ways of reassuring all of us he wasn't the Oreo cookie the ghetto poet Ice Cube once warned us about.

Black people been code-switching since white folks wrote the code. Ain't no way we could have survived in America if we didn't know how to put on masks, our double consciousness and get through the day. All of the black people who read this blog have a "work voice" and a "home voice" and we know how to use those bitches effortlessly. We weren't surprised that a Harvard-educated black man knew the proper way to give dap, or speak to the fellas. Shit, he would be have been a corny brotha if he didn't, and anybody who has looked at Michelle Obama knows that homegirl would not have dropped the panties for a cornball.

But, now it could all be ruined.

This article apparently is immensely popular with white folks. Y'all know that some of them love to stay on top of the current black culture so they can know exactly which aspects to rape and plunder to make millions. (I'm not talking about you my white readers. Keep reading.) They are posting it on Facebook, sending it on Twitter and will probably be discussing it around their antique dinner tables tonight.

There is no way Obama can keep sending black folks our messages with all the white people watching. You know they get mad jealous about stuff like that. It doesn't matter that he uses his white voice the majority of the time. The fact that he has a white voice and black voice is suspicious to many white people because most of them only have one voice. Sure, we as black folks know that Obama developed these two voices out of necessity, but to some white folks this will only confirm that he's a shifty Negro who needs to be monitored.

I'm going to miss those messages. I'm going to miss my President walking across the White House front lawn in a bop that would have fit right in on the yard at Howard University. Those little moments reminded me of my own journey, my own attempts to find a balance in life. Now they are history because Nia. I hope Nia is proud of herself, she has robbed me of one of the simple joys in my life.

Nia if by chance you read this, I hope you enjoy the accolades and pats on the back for having exposed another of black people's secret joys to the white world. You're like the person who first taught white people how to cabbage patch, and explained to them the best way to cornrow. You have betrayed something sacred and holy. You and your racial explanations. I hope you're proud of yourself, Nia.

Because I'm just sad.

(In case this does make it back to Nia, girl I'm just playing. Great article idea. You took something that was obvious to many black folks and put it together to make a good story. That's good work. Good luck to you. You race traitor!)



LondonDiva said...

Great blog post! I'm sure a majority of them won't even understand fully anyway, even WITH cliff notes. I'm 29 and still trying to explain to white folks why black women can't wash and go, that hair care is a weekend event {at most times}. Everything for them, regarding anything black needs to be broken down, a word, an action, a phrase, or why it's just not sanitary to touch animals then eat food. To us it makes perfect sense whether I use London 'urban' slang, patois or throw in the odd ebonic or phrases synonymous with black people. To them it's a total brain blocker. After you've told them once they soon forget. [Let's hope so in this case anyway].

ch555x said...

I don't have the time/patience to breakdown stuff, so if they want to guess...go for it!

Anonymous said... got that right. Its one of the things that made me like Obama is that at just the right moment, he throws something out there to let us know he is keeping it real.

Too funny about Michelle not dropping the drawers for a cornball, I agree 100%. Girl is from the southside of the Chi, boy had to come correct.

Now white folks will be reading this and trying to keep it real in their own way (large laugh).

Yeah, Nia should have just kept this to herself.

Big Man said...

I don't truly blame Nia, we all have to eat. But now we're going to listen to white folks parsing Obama's words even more trying to decipher the hidden black code.

Mr. Noface said...

Oh Lawd, now the white folks will be looking for those cues every time the see or hear Obama speak. This is tantamount to someone informing the slave masters that the "negro spirituals" sung in the cotton fields were really maps of the Underground Railroad. J/k

It was a great article and yours was a great post.

Deacon Blue said...

Wait, Obama didn't read the White House rulebook?

- you cannot act like you actually love AND have sex with your wife.

- you cannot use modern technology.

- you cannot speak in any way like the average Joe (at least not after the campaigning)

Lolo said...

You know, you could just make stuff up about the secret code. It's fun. I did, I do and I'm not black but for some reason foolish people ask me for interpretation. Like with the dap? I just pulled a straight face and said "oh, that's to keep your hands clean from spreading cooties." People believed me.

Big Man said...

That's crazy Lolo.

Lolo said...

Well, to be fair, people ARE crazy and you know, the stuff I make up with my tongue firmly in cheek is still saner than the whole "he's a terrorist muslim commie not black american blal blah blah" that has spun around forever now.

That could make for an interesting and amusing post ~ "what are some of the strangest things you've believed or heard about people of other cultures/ethnicities?"

Big Man said...

That might be a good idea. said...

Hey there!

Nia didn't expose anything that these white voyeurs who come to black blogs all the time to see what the negroes are saying to each other can't find out...


I have plenty of white voyeurs at my blog and it is CLEARLY for black women... how do I know? They send me email to add their comments...

Will someone send a memo to all white people and let them know how much I do not care what they think about the conversations that black women have at my forum???


Raving Black Lunatic