Thursday, September 18, 2008

How Far Can He Go?

Y'all know that I have taken to calling McCain's campaign strategy the "Eff It" plan of attack. Basically, he says "Eff It" and then lies. He's almost daring the American public to call him out.

Anyway, a friend of mine thought it would be funny to think of several comments that McCain could potentially say that really wouldn't shock anybody because of how much he lies. I'm going to try to jot down the top five outrageous comments that John McCain might make, and I encourage y'all to contribute your own entries in the comments sections.

5. "I've heard my opponent Barack Obama promise that he will bring change to Washington. I don't doubt that because scientific studies have shown that tragic mulattoes are notorious for being unstable and flaky. Can we trust someone whose own parents couldn't figure out what team they were on?"

4. "My opponent has chided me for failing to keep track of how many homes my wife and I own. He has complained that I don't relate to regular Americans. I believe this shows how scurrilous my opponent's attacks really are. All hard-working Americans understand that you need to have options in case undesirables move into your neighborhood. My homes are not a sign of wealth, but an example of old-fashioned American values"

3. "Democrats would have you believe that America invaded a sovereign nation when we went into Iraq and removed Saddaam Hussein. I tell you today that they are liars. No nation made up of Muslims can be sovereign. Sovereignty is directly tied to Christianity, so there was no invasion, but a returning to America of what was rightfully our property."

2. "The egg-headed elitists in the liberal media would have you believe that Sarah Palin is not qualified to run this country. I call them all arugula-eating liars! Who is more qualified to lead a nation of 300 million than a woman who has led a town of 10,000? Are 300 million people really that much more different than 10,000? Are the people in your lives really that much different from you? Don't you all know everything you need to know about the world by talking to your friends? The media are not the arbiters of intelligence or qualifications. Only the American people and their friends can truly identify intelligence. Most media members aren't even Americans!"

1. "Obama-Biden Democrats would have you believe that Republicans have ruined this country. While it's true that some rogue Republicans have made some bad decisions, I promise you that during my two decades in the Senate I always fought for change. Even though I never made that change happen, I promise you that I will now...

"In conclusion, let's be honest, Barack Obama is less experienced than I am and, according to scientific studies, probably has a smaller brain than I do. I am John McCain, and I approve this message."

What do y'all think?


Rob said...

It is my right, as not only an American, but as a former POW, to exercise my freedom of speech. Now although some of what I've said may not be truthful, Mr. Obama, who did not spend time in a Viet Cong prison, is not qualified to point out my lies. That right is reserved for true Americans only.

Big Man said...

Good one Rob.

OG, The Original Glamazon said...

Loves It!!!


Icehouse said...

In case you missed it, McCain confused Spain with being in Latin America a day or two ago, then basically said he has no idea what Spain's stances are on human rights, etc.

Just to recap some things that should've caught McCain's attention, Spain was attacked by Al-Qaeda, which led to Spain's withdrawl of troops from Iraq.

Spain is also a member of NATO.

Experience as a world leader doesn't mean shit if you have no interest in the world.

I wrote this basically to say you don't need fiction.

But since we're at it!

"No Negro ever called me round-eye"

Get it? Get it?

Big Man said...

I get it.

And I heard about the Spain thing. I'm witholding judgement based on some stuff said by the journalist doing the interview. He may have just been playing cute with Spain because of them leaving Iraq. Although, since he's willing to go to war for one NATO ally I can't believe McCain wouldn't invite Spain over for tea.

Darth Whitey said...

To add to what icehouse said, note also that the only reason Zapaterro won is because the election was the very next day after the attack.

Before that the heir apparent to Aznar (who was a supporter of the war in Iraq,) Rajoy, was comfortably ahead in the polls.

Basically the bombings scared the Spanish into voting for socialists who wanted out of Iraq immediately. Some also claim that it affected the turnout among Rajoy's supporters.

Also, note that referring to Zapatero as the president of Spain is not altogether incorrect, although it is less precise than calling him the prime minister and is definitely a gaffe that leads one to suspect that McCain doesn't know that Spain is a constitutional monarchy, which would not be surprising in the least.

Lolo said...

"Hello, I'm calling from the Research Institute of Fair Practise in Campaigning. How would you feel about Obama if you were to find out that he fathered an illegitimate white baby? How would it affect your opinions if you were to find out that he opposed benefits for the families of POWs?"

It's gonna get like that, you know it is.

Big Man said...

That wouldn't work Lolo. At least not the first part. There is no way on Earth that a black man could father a white baby in most American's minds. If either of your parents are black, you are permanently barred from the white race.

It's a rule.

Lolo said...

Absolutely but the implication is that HE IS COMING TO FUCK MORE OF YOUR WHITE WOMEN. Cuz, you know, that's always the implication, that you guys are all just chomping to sex up the white women.

This past year is not helping me manage my tendency towards cynicism, not at all.


Raving Black Lunatic