Next Few Days

I get a lot of inspiration for blog posts at church.

I guess I'm in a reflective sort of mood when I'm perched on a pew. Whatever it is, many a blog post has been partially written in my head after a preacher says something that gets my creative juices flowing.

With that in mind, I plan to do a little mini-series over the next seven days discussing Gandhi's Seven Social Sins. For those of you aren't aware of these tenets here they are:

Wealth Without Work

Pleasure Without Conscience

Knowledge Without Character

Commerce (Business) Without Morality (Ethics)

Science Without Humanity

Religion Without Sacrifice

Politics Without Principle


I think each of these ideas is perfect for a larger discussion, particularly given some of this country's current problems. Each day I'll discuss one of the sins and kind of talk about my take on what it means. I hope y'all enjoy it.


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Gum Bumpin' and Other Trivial Pursuits

Never underestimate the power of a good conversation.

I've noted before that I'm not a particularly gregarious person particularly with strangers. However, when it comes to my friends, I can flap my lips with the best of them.

Often, it's my therapy.

I've got a good core group of friends. The type of folks I feel comfortable talking to about a wide range of topics that range from today's news events, to the travails of married life. I think most of them enjoy talking to me, despite my somewhat abrasive responses and penchant for questioning other people's common sense.

I've been reminded recently how lonely the world is if you can't discuss what's on your heart with people who love and care for you. It's a lonely world when you think you're out there on an island. Sometimes a sympathetic ear, that understands your quirks and hangups is the only thing that keeps you sane.

But, conversations between friends don't have to be serious or life altering to be meaningful. A good belly laugh is priceless, and just shooting the sh#t about the crazy things your spouse does can be a balm for the soul. Life is better when you have friends to share it with.

That's all I had to say.


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Quick Thought

Forcing people to own up to their mistakes and miscues makes sense.

Forgiving folks and moving on also makes sense.

There is no cut and dry answer to what is the best way to handle misconduct. You cannot justify your own call for someone's head by saying "Well, they'd do the same thing to me."

Instead, we all have to make decisions based on what our heart tells us, and what our priorities may be.

Just a thought.




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I Ain't Looking For Trouble

Seems like it finds me anyway.

I'm at the doctor's office with the spousal unit and the youngins' the other day, and...

Wait, let me give y'all some background. The wife and I are relatively attractive folks. We don't stop traffic or nothing, but we didn't get beat with the ugly stick either. We're...cute.

But, while our combined attractiveness quotient isn't ridiculously high, when our sperm and egg join forces like Voltron we make some pretty attractive babies. Some of y'all might think that's just paternal pride, but seriously, I got some beautiful babies. It's to the point where folks are constantly stopping my oldest boy on the street and complimenting him on his eyes. "Bedroom eyes" are what they call them.

Which brings me back to the original story. We're at the doctor's office and this nurse is trying to get my oldest son to give her a smile and some act right. My little man doesn't care for strangers, particularly fawning strangers who want to touch him and talk about taking him home. He likes his regular home just fine.

The entire visit she's talking to my little boy about his cuteness, and then, right before I take him to the car, she drops a bomb on me. I'm moving my little boy towards the door when she says "Yeah, I can never believe you're a (insert white color job here), you just don't look like a (job that requires a college degree). '

Scooby Doo voice: Huh?

First of all, I really can't stress too much the random nature of this encounter. We weren't talking about jobs, or my appearance, or anything. Hell, outside of thanking her for the compliments about my son, I wasn't talking to her at all.

When she decided to shake up my world, I was encouraging my little boy to walk faster, and trying to figure out how to get him past the lollipops without a tantrum. Then she decides to let me know that I don't fit her assumptions about somebody with the job I have. It was like that perfect blob of bird shit falling from the sky on a newly washed car.

Sudden, messy and frustrating.

Now, what do I do? As a certified "race man" it's pretty much my duty to give this woman an education on just how stupid and potentially racist her comment seemed. If I don't read her the riot act, I might as well shut down this blog. But, if I let her have it with both barrels, I'm guaranteed to make every single future doctor visit awkward. After all, once you give somebody a race lecture, they don't forget. And, if you happen to let them know that you think they might be a racist, well get ready for long pauses and sideways glances. So, I'm stuck in a teachable moment, with no incentive to teach.

Long story short, I punked out.

When she let me know that my appearance wasn't acceptable, it shocked me so much that all I could do was give her a wan smile and quickly move away. She must have seen something in my face, and in the face of the black nurse behind her giving her the stinkface, because she tried to clean up her comment with some bland, ridiculous explanation. I didn't bother responding, I just left the building feeling like somebody had pointed out that my fly was open, and the little soldier wasn't really ready for review.

It's not that I don't know how to handle these sort of situations. I regularly use this kind of stuff as a means to discuss race and race relations with white folks. But, in this case I was weighing out the benefits of educating this woman, with the potential drawbacks of letting her know she was ignorant. My wife would later tell me she was glad I didn't say anything because she doesn't want a bad vibe when she goes to the doctor, so I guess I should feel better.

But I don't.

I still feel a little angry, and embarrassed. Not only that this woman felt justified in telling me this, but in my reaction to her comment. I'm embarrassed that I actually wondered if I was dressed poorly, or if maybe it was time to cut my hair so I could look more professional. Hell, I even felt ashamed that the black nurse heard her say what she said. Instead of instantly realizing that this woman was slighting me with no provocation, I began to wonder what I'd done wrong.

Ain't it funny how the mind works? How easily people can make us doubt ourselves, how easily we can be thrust into uncomfortable situations despite minding our business and living our lives? That woman won't think twice about her comment, but for me, it made me wonder if it was time to make some tough choices?

It's these little interactions that define race relations in our country. For me it was a random white woman telling me I didn't fit her notion of a what a white collar professional looks like. For some white kids, it's the black folks at the park refusing to pick them up for a game of basketball because their color brands them as lacking game. Latinos get mistaken for gardeners, and Asians get asked about Chinese food. Little slights that grow into major hurts. We all bear our own burdens, but it doesn't make the load lighter to know that other people are heavy-laden as well.

It still feels like trouble.



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