Friday, April 17, 2009

Quick Thought

Forcing people to own up to their mistakes and miscues makes sense.

Forgiving folks and moving on also makes sense.

There is no cut and dry answer to what is the best way to handle misconduct. You cannot justify your own call for someone's head by saying "Well, they'd do the same thing to me."

Instead, we all have to make decisions based on what our heart tells us, and what our priorities may be.

Just a thought.



Lorraine said...

I have always felt there is a big difference between forgiving and forgetting. I never forget a wrong, or a kindness. I also see no reason to forgive someone if they haven't apologized for wronging me. Forgiving and letting go without the other person making a push towards amends is crazy talk to me. I don't understand that mentality.

Depending on what that person did, I may have suffered a loss of self-esteem, been angry, cried, felt resentful...all of which harms my spirit. And I'm just supposed to forgive this person when they have done nothing to deserve it. I went through all that because of something they did--and they get off scott free with forgiveness and everything?

I used to think it was a fault of mine that I held grudges against people. But, my Mama wrote me something once that has become the truthest and best advice she has ever give me:

"What I learned about meaning of Grudge: I have had to be taught in the past 3 yrs. that it is OK to have grudges with a family member, when they repeat the same action over and over. I had to be taught that I was letting go too easily because I was living with the meaning of grudges as envy, feeling of ill will, resentment. That is not me!! So holding a grudge was impossible to do. Learning that truth and trust are big parts of another meaning for grudge, and that it was OK to have a grudge for the well being of myself and kids.

Grudge - to be reluctant to give or allow; to envy; feeling of ill will; resentment.

I do not envy, have feelings of ill will, resent. I am reluctant to give or allow someone around myself and kids, who has not been honest. Who has not given a true statement with all the facts when asked face to face a question. Trust has moral responsibilities. To trust, one must feel they can rely upon and have implicit faith in words coming out of the mouth. See actions that back up those words, showing that they are trustworthy. So without truth and trust then I need to not allow or give, for well being. Trust once broken, must then be rebuilt soon after it is broken if others are to believe it is the truth of wanting to build it back."

Big Man said...

Lorraine I respect your point of view on forgiving.

I used to share it.

It's only recently that I've tried to understand that forgiveness doesn't involve anybody but me. No matter what any says or does, only I can control whether I forgive them.

It's tough, but I'm trying to work on it.

Mr. Noface said...

I agree with you Big Man, forgiveness was always meant for the forgiver's peace of mind, not necessarily the forgiven.

Deacon Blue said...

There are a few people who don't "deserve" my forgiveness in life, but it's still my responsibility to give it to them wherever possible.

Doesn't mean I won't avoid them going forward, though...

Raving Black Lunatic