Money, Money, Money

It's the number one problem in most marriages, according to independent experts.

It's the number one concern on most American voters' minds.

And John McCain could wipe his ass with it.

I'm talking about greenbacks, dividends, scratch and dead presidents. I'm talking about money.

Political analysts claim that when times get tough, people vote Democrat. When the country's doing fairly well but seems to be changing too quickly, the populace tends to swing Republican. That is interesting, but not surprising.

When people are worrying about making ends meet, they really don't give a damn if two men want to have a wedding in Vermont. When folks have extra time and money, then it becomes important to protect the sanctity of marriage. If you can barely afford to take care of the three children you have, it's probably easier to consider abortion when your teenage daughter comes home pregnant.

I'm guessing that's why black people have trended Democrat since the 1960s. After the liberals made their initial inroads with black folks by showing some token support for Civil Rights measures, (JFK is hugely overrated when it comes to this), they maintained that support by coming through with the money. Lyndon B. Johnson was a pretty typical good ol' boy when it came to his views about black people, but his idea for a Great Society was music to our ears.

Truth be told, most black folks will put up with racist attitudes as long as we don't have to be poor and put up with racist attitudes. Y'all know what I'm talking about. Many of you work with a racist prick right now, but you don't ream that person out because you need your job for the mortgage and groceries. You let the little stuff slide because you've got bigger fish to fry.

Like Lil' Tyrone's college scholarship fund.

What I'm wondering now is how do black folks convince our white brethren that they need to come over to our way of thinking for this election? It's obvious which candidate is going to put money in most folks' pockets, and which candidate is going to get more people fired. Obama is proposing tax cuts for the middle class, higher taxes for the rich and more regulations for companies. John McCain is proposing to finally get that beach house Cindy always wanted in Cabo...

Seriously though, this is a pocketbook election. Times are tougher than B.A. Baracus and I pity the fools who would select McCain to solve this crisis.

McCain suffered in a POW camp and I really can't comprehend what that was like. But, since he's been back stateside he's been living the good life, particularly after he hooked up with The Pharmacist.

With her beer money, and the bribes McCain has collected as a politician (Keating 5 for life homie!), they have been doing just fine. I don't know about y'all, but I would rather have somebody who used to be poor and worked to make themselves rich, than somebody who hasn't pumped gas in a decade.

So, how do we convince all the white folks worried that Obama is a Black Muslim intent on bringing jihad to American soil because his pastor hates Ameria that Barack is really a pretty smart guy who wants to put money in their pockets?

Well, first of all, we should just stop talking to anyone who thinks Obama is Muslim terrorist. They are a lost cause. And if they mention that Obama will only help the "coloreds", just back away slowly. Second, when we're discussing the election with white folks who think Obama is a bad choice, we have to force them to explain why they think McCain and the Republicans are better when it comes to money. Rather, they need to explain why they think Republicans are better at non-rich people more money.

Unemployment is ridiculous, we're spending billions in Iraq and the economy is shedding jobs like Star Jones moves weight. Unless you're a venture capitalist or a failed CEO, life probably sucks. And, we can lay the blame at the feet of George Bush, the Republican Congress and the man who voted with Bush so often that they might be conjoined twins.

We need to make people look at the facts and explain why they have such confidence in a man who once admitted that the economy really wasn't his thing. Keep pushing until these people are forced to seriously consider both candidates' economic policies. It may not change their minds, but at least they will be exposed to the truth.

Cause right now, times are tighter than frog vagina.