Thursday, May 1, 2008

A Trip Down Lover's Lane.

I'm intrigued by this.

Whenever I watch Barack and Michelle Obama together, I see an exemplary example of black love.

It's inspiring to watch two black people have a healthy and seemingly happy relationship. Now, I understand that I know very little about the actual state of their union, but from what I've gathered from speeches, Barack's books and observation they seem to have something special.

Anybody who has every been in a relationship understands how hard it is to stay together and that pressure only increases once you get married. There are a myriad of stumbling blocks on the road to marital bliss for everyone, and most black people believe that things are even harder for us.

Racism, discrimination, sexism and a host of other societal factors have combined to make black love seem like a distant dream for many people. We've all seen the chilling statistics about how many black children are born out of wedlock and how many black women will never get married. Shoot, many black magazines sustain themselves financially by frightening women into believing that their black Prince Charming does not exist, and then encouraging them try some white meat.

So, when I see two black people who have managed to make things work despite the odds, well it feels good. It's the same feeling I get when I contemplate my parent's marriage, my in-laws marriage, or all those old black couples that have sat in the pews of the churches I've attended. When I see those older people still together it gives me strength to stay the course in my own marriage, and to quietly correct the "woe is me" attitude that seems to infecting young people.

This may be unfair, but I often find myself contrasting the relationship of Barack and Michelle to the marriage of Bill and Hillary or John and Cindy. I must say, when I look at those three relationships, it jumps out at me that the Obamas seem to have the most healthy partnership.

The infidelity of Billy Boy is legend, and most Democrats know that McCain left his ill wife to shack up with Cindy. But, even if I ignore those past foibles in their relationships just watching the McCains and Clintons now I don't see the same level of affection and admiration that I see when I watch Michelle and Obama.

I don't know about y'all, but when I see the way Obama treats his wife, and the way she adores him, well it makes me more confident in trusting him as commander-in-chief. That may sound stupid to some, but in my mind if the person who has seen all your hideous warts and listened to all of your dumb comments can still look at you with that special gleam in their eyes, then that tells me that there is something right about you as a man.

I have no doubt that Obama is a flawed husband; all men are flawed husbands. And there are some who cynically wonder if he picked out his wife with an eye towards a political career because she provides him with cache in the black community that he might have never attained on his own.

Yet, I scoff at that notion. I'm sure Obama was drawn to his wife because of her connection to "regular" black folks, but I think that's because he has made it clear that early in his life he hungered for a connection with our community. From what I've seen, Michelle grounds him, she challenges him and, most importantly, she loves him.

It's a beautiful thing to watch.


Frolic said...

Interesting post.

Back in the days of Monicagate (we did call it that didn't we--who can remember), I was convinced that personal morality had nothing to do with ethics and professional judgment.

Now that I'm older and have been married a few years, I'm not so sure that you compartmentalize character.

Certainly many scoundrels have done great things. But doing great things didn't make them good.

I would be afraid that this new view exposed an unintended conservative trend in my thinking. Then again, it seems like the people who talk so much about morality have the hardest time embracing it personally. And it so many conservative positions are clearly immoral.

Deacon Blue said...

Ah, Big hopeless romantic fool...(shakes head sadly)

Oh, I can't maintain the charade with a straight face...I agree with you 100%, man.

No way of knowing what goes on behind closed doors, but I suspect they at least share the same bedroom, something I'm not so sure of in the other two unions you mention. And the vibe the Obamas give off certainly rings true.

I only hope my wife and I project a similar kind of aura.

WNG said...

Honestly, watching them makes me jealous as all hell and all warm and fuzzy at the same time. Not just the way she loves him, but the way he so obviously loves and respects her.
* pause for girlish sigh *
If we're going to get personal then theirs' is the family that I want to see in the White House and those are the people I want to represent my country to the world.

Crys said...

WOW - i love love!

Big Man said...


I get the same feelings as you!

*boyish masculine sigh*


Cindy and John don't seem to like each other that much and we know about Bill and Hill. Anytime McCain feels ok calling his wife a "cunt", well that's a serious problem. I would never feel comfortable calling my wife something like that no matter how mad I was.

OG, The Original Glamazon said...

OMG... I just blogged about black love yesterday because watching them on the Today show inspired me so! I'm glad Iam not the only one who sees the way they look at each other and feels the LOVE!!


Lesley Q said...

"I would never feel comfortable calling my wife something like that no matter how mad I was."

So true Big Man, so true. And to think he called her such an awful word over something as silly as teasing him because of his thinning hair.

Don't get me wrong, it's never acceptable to use this term. But the fact that he PUBLICLY berated his WIFE under such trivial circumstances makes him extra crazy.

I don't know about y'all, but the prospect of this guy (McCain) becoming President is starting to scare the crap out of me.

Oh yeah, the Obamas are really cute.

Deacon Blue said...

Holy cheeze nips, Batman! McCain called his wife the C-word? I hadn't heard about that. Man, just about the only word I would be less comfortable using (for any human) would be the N-word.

If I didn't already know that man was too mean/crazy/temperamental to be in the White House, that would cinch it up.

WNG said...

Where you been Deacon? Yeah he said it - and if it had been me he said it to I wouldn't be standing next to him smiling like Barbie. I wouldn't be standing next to him at all.

ps holy cheese nips? classic!

Imhotep said...

Big man, constantly displaying that romantic side, ain't mad at cha.

I agree with what you see and what you say, but to be fair let's compare Barack and Michelle after 20 years of marriage. I got faith in both of them, but you know, life is funny sometimes.

Deacon Blue said...

WNG...I've been so busy trying to keep on top of overlapping deadlines from multiple clients that I'm waaaay behind in my news. I only just heard about the freak who was keeping his daughter in the basement siring children with her for 24 years. I feel bad knowing so little about what's going on these days.

P.S. And yeah...Holy Cheese Nips...well, I figured I already swear too much in my own blog...might as well show some class around here (if '60s Batman-inspired camp can be qualified as class)

leva said...

lmao@ Holy Cheese Nips...

I love love I said on OG's blog.

The Christian Progressive Liberal said...

Big Man, I do give the Obamas props for showing healthy marriages, but only because I think Michelle would put her Jimmy Choos up Barack's arse if he tried to step out on her.

You just don't try to screw over a sista from the South Side of Chi-town and live to tell about it.

The Borg Queen stayed with wild Bill because she wanted the White House and believes he owes her.

McCain already got caught with a lobbyist COTS and as usual, the MSM ignored it.

The Christian Progressive Liberal said...

Cindy wasn't such a "cunt" when McCain left his wife for her.

He only stays now because she's the one with the cheddar ($100 million to be exact - her net worth without adding the twos and fews he brings from the Senate paycheck).

Eb the Celeb said...

I completely agree... he is always smiling when she talks about her... she is always glowing when she talks about him... they are going threw a lot of adversity right now and still their strength and bond shines threw.

There's truly nothing more special than black love.

Danielle said...

They are both beautiful to watch together. They seem to have a loving relationship. I see them and their girls and they make me smile.

des said...

To use a term the kids would use; she is his ride or die chick. She would kill for him, you cannot put a price tag on a woman like that.

Gye Greene said...

Weird that people would think the O-Man married her for political reasons: how 'bout 'cause she's hot, intelligent, and a nice person...?

I hear where you're coming from re: black married couples (esp. the old ones). I also dig it when I see inter-racial couples: gives me hope for the world, and the future of race relations.

(I think that if all Americans had a son-in-law, daughter-in-law, cousin, niece, etc.) of a different race, there'd be a **lot** less racism around (less racist "jokes", etc. I think part of the continuing cycle of racism is that most folks of different races continue to move in differing social circles, not overlapping -- so a lot of ignorance and dis-trust gets perpetuated. Much better if you have folks over for T-giving and Christmas...) :)


Big Man said...

Good point about the different social circles.

Sometimes I have to get on my dad for calling gay people faggots. I think that if he had an openly gay relative who he loved he would see why the word was so hateful and mean. I've been guilty of using it in the past, but once I started to think about what I was doing, I really couldn't be cool with it anymore and had to start speaking up against it.

Anyway, when you break down the idea that certain people are "others" than it becomes much harder to treat them poorly.

Raving Black Lunatic