That daily struggle is a struggle.
Getting up everyday, making things happen, staying close to the people you love.
Ain't no manual on life.
The Bible comes close, but sometimes even it can't soothe a weary mind.
Arguing 'bout this, fighting 'bout that, trying to make time when the only one with that power is God.
Grindin'
The Clipse don't even know.
World feelin' so heavy, you laughing at Atlas talkin' 'bout, "That nigga got it easy."
What y'all know about grindin'?
Crazy world, full of violence, full of hate, make you wanna get your Marvin Gaye on when he went through his changes.
I see why some folks go crazy.
Just grindin'.
It's been rainin' so long, sunshine seems like $1 gas...
Distant memory.
Economy down, crime up. Babies dyin', politicians lying.
Nothing new under the sun.
Some folks say the end times are near.
Other folks say they're here.
I'm just looking for an ending.
Hopefully a happy one.
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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Me, Myself and Every Other Black Person in the World
My wife and I have had some pretty heated discussions over the years.
Partially that's because of our mutual stubbornness, but mainly it's because I used to have a tendency to make people confront the world as I saw it.
My wife had been just fine for roughly 22 years before we met, but I was convinced that it was my job to get her to see the "real world." That meant constantly challenging her long held beliefs and forcing her to defend her position on everything.
Yeah, it's a shocker that we got married.
One of the most thorny subjects we discussed was race. My wife is black, but she was never really concerned with racial issues growing up. The way her life was structured she had a lot of protection from certain things, plus her sphere of interest didn't include many matters that involved race. In addition, we both grew up in a majority black city, which changes racial dynamics as well.
However, as my wife got older, she had to go into situations where she was one of a few black folks, or the only black person. She was then confronted with the unfamiliar feeling of being different, of having to explain and justify her difference and having to figure out the best way to live her life.
Those struggles caused some pretty rocky times in our relationship often because I'd already gone through some of those struggles and had already decided the "right" way to behave.
My wife and I recently dredged up one of those discussions. Back when my wife was in grad school, we had a discussion about how folks are defined through their race. She was struggling with the idea that she would always be defined first as a black woman when it came to her chosen field and she was looking for a way to break away from that. She and I went back and forth about the best way to handle the situation.
See, I've always been of the mindset that despite all the extra baggage it entails, nothing compares to being black. Sure, it means battling stereotypes and dodging police officers intent on violating your civil rights, but I would never trade in my skin for a lighter shade. Too many people suffered and died for me just because I was going to be their descendant. I like having that behind me.
However, it's not for everyone. My wife was tired of dealing with the extra hassles that came with her skin, and she just wanted everybody to let her live her life. She didn't want to have to be a representative of the black race every second of every day. She just wanted to represent the person in her own skin.
Unfortunately, when she told me about this desire, I viewed it as a betrayal of her blackness, and I responded accordingly. This led to a pretty nasty fight, that caused some serious hurt feelings in our relationship. So, when we discussed the issue again recently, I was very careful to tread lightly.
Thankfully, I've matured since our first discussion. My views on race and what it means to be "authentically" black have changed drastically. I'm no longer bound by the same hangups, plus I have a better understanding of how to articulate my feelings.
What I told my wife, is that there are two core issues in her dilemma. First, there is the issue of what she thinks in her head. See, when people constantly treat you like the spokesman for black people, you tend to take on that role in your mind. You start to put your actions and comments through a "What's good for the race?" filter.
That filter makes life so much more difficult because it's pretty much impossible to always live your life as a positive example of blackness. It just doesn't work.
I told my wife that the first step in breaking free from that straitjacket is to acknowledge that you DON'T represent other black people. I mean, you could argue you represent your parents or other relatives, but in an absolute sense, the only person you truly represent is you.
I told her she didn't have to worry about how people expected her to behave as a "black woman." She only had to worry about how she wanted to behave. Other people's hangups did not have to become her own.
That segues nicely into the second issue, which is other people's hangups. See, it's easy to tell my wife to be her own person, but that's kind of hard to do when people are constantly trying to force her into the little box they've laid out for her. The insidious thing about stereotypes is that even if we can train ourselves to no longer believe in them, other folks will keep right on fooling themselves. And, bless their hearts, those deluded folks love to push their stereotypes on us.
What I told my wife is that as tedious as this may sound, she is going to have to deal with folks and their hangups directly. It's not going to help her to constantly tell people that she doesn't want to be seen as a black woman, she just wants to be seen as someone practicing her chosen profession. The people who would take that advice typically don't need it, and the folks hell bent on viewing her primarily as a black woman are going to see that no matter what she says.
My wife, like all of us, has to challenge the assumptions and stereotypes of folks and let them know when they are treating her in an unfair manner. She has to force people to think about the comments they make, and the mindsets behind those comments. It's unfortunate that any of us have to bear that cross, but it's also just a part of life.
So, do y'all think I gave her the right advice?
Share
Partially that's because of our mutual stubbornness, but mainly it's because I used to have a tendency to make people confront the world as I saw it.
My wife had been just fine for roughly 22 years before we met, but I was convinced that it was my job to get her to see the "real world." That meant constantly challenging her long held beliefs and forcing her to defend her position on everything.
Yeah, it's a shocker that we got married.
One of the most thorny subjects we discussed was race. My wife is black, but she was never really concerned with racial issues growing up. The way her life was structured she had a lot of protection from certain things, plus her sphere of interest didn't include many matters that involved race. In addition, we both grew up in a majority black city, which changes racial dynamics as well.
However, as my wife got older, she had to go into situations where she was one of a few black folks, or the only black person. She was then confronted with the unfamiliar feeling of being different, of having to explain and justify her difference and having to figure out the best way to live her life.
Those struggles caused some pretty rocky times in our relationship often because I'd already gone through some of those struggles and had already decided the "right" way to behave.
My wife and I recently dredged up one of those discussions. Back when my wife was in grad school, we had a discussion about how folks are defined through their race. She was struggling with the idea that she would always be defined first as a black woman when it came to her chosen field and she was looking for a way to break away from that. She and I went back and forth about the best way to handle the situation.
See, I've always been of the mindset that despite all the extra baggage it entails, nothing compares to being black. Sure, it means battling stereotypes and dodging police officers intent on violating your civil rights, but I would never trade in my skin for a lighter shade. Too many people suffered and died for me just because I was going to be their descendant. I like having that behind me.
However, it's not for everyone. My wife was tired of dealing with the extra hassles that came with her skin, and she just wanted everybody to let her live her life. She didn't want to have to be a representative of the black race every second of every day. She just wanted to represent the person in her own skin.
Unfortunately, when she told me about this desire, I viewed it as a betrayal of her blackness, and I responded accordingly. This led to a pretty nasty fight, that caused some serious hurt feelings in our relationship. So, when we discussed the issue again recently, I was very careful to tread lightly.
Thankfully, I've matured since our first discussion. My views on race and what it means to be "authentically" black have changed drastically. I'm no longer bound by the same hangups, plus I have a better understanding of how to articulate my feelings.
What I told my wife, is that there are two core issues in her dilemma. First, there is the issue of what she thinks in her head. See, when people constantly treat you like the spokesman for black people, you tend to take on that role in your mind. You start to put your actions and comments through a "What's good for the race?" filter.
That filter makes life so much more difficult because it's pretty much impossible to always live your life as a positive example of blackness. It just doesn't work.
I told my wife that the first step in breaking free from that straitjacket is to acknowledge that you DON'T represent other black people. I mean, you could argue you represent your parents or other relatives, but in an absolute sense, the only person you truly represent is you.
I told her she didn't have to worry about how people expected her to behave as a "black woman." She only had to worry about how she wanted to behave. Other people's hangups did not have to become her own.
That segues nicely into the second issue, which is other people's hangups. See, it's easy to tell my wife to be her own person, but that's kind of hard to do when people are constantly trying to force her into the little box they've laid out for her. The insidious thing about stereotypes is that even if we can train ourselves to no longer believe in them, other folks will keep right on fooling themselves. And, bless their hearts, those deluded folks love to push their stereotypes on us.
What I told my wife is that as tedious as this may sound, she is going to have to deal with folks and their hangups directly. It's not going to help her to constantly tell people that she doesn't want to be seen as a black woman, she just wants to be seen as someone practicing her chosen profession. The people who would take that advice typically don't need it, and the folks hell bent on viewing her primarily as a black woman are going to see that no matter what she says.
My wife, like all of us, has to challenge the assumptions and stereotypes of folks and let them know when they are treating her in an unfair manner. She has to force people to think about the comments they make, and the mindsets behind those comments. It's unfortunate that any of us have to bear that cross, but it's also just a part of life.
So, do y'all think I gave her the right advice?
Share
Friday, April 10, 2009
Gotta Have It
...Money, like nicotine or cocaine, can activate the brain's pleasure centres, the neurological pathways that make biologically beneficial activities such as sex feel so rewarding. Of course, money does not physically enter the brain but it might work in a similar way to pornographic text, argue Lea and Webley, which can cause arousal not by giving any biochemical or physiological stimuli, but by acting through the mind and emotions.Mark Buchanan
For the love of money is the root of all evil... God.
Me and the missus recently welcomed a new addition to the family. Yep, a new Lunatic has been added to the brood, and one of the main things on my mind right now is money.
Diapers, car seats, strollers, food, breast pumps, formula, health insurance, college and everything else in between. They call babies bundles of joy, but they should really call them bundles of debt. Those little suckers are like walking ATM debits; every time one of my babies breathes, it costs me some money.
But, I'm not here to complain. Lord knows I'm way too blessed to waste my time complaining. Nah, I brought up my changing financial situation because I read the quote above in a story about how the need, or want, for money affects our lives. Basically, folks can get addicted to the "high" of making money, the same way they can get addicted to lotion loving on the couch. I always knew that money had the power to change folks, I just didn't realize it had that kind of power.
Does the idea that money is addictive change the way you view our current economic crisis? I mean, if the greedy bankers and soccer moms who ran up mountains of debt that collapsed into ruinous rubble were actually addicted to money like Pookie loved crack, well does that make them more sympathetic? Nobody truly likes a junkie, but we typically understand that some of their actions are beyond their control because of the insidious power of dope.
Right?
Wrong.
While I can see and understand that argument about the addictive power of money, I can't quite put it on the level of heroin or, even, porn. Maybe it's because while I like money, it doesn't make me go crazy. I'm cheap as hell, but that doesn't mean I fiend for money. It's hard for me to imagine anyone having the same sort of addiction to money that crack produces.
Maybe I need to expand my thinking. After all, as I thought about all the things people do for money, I started to realize that it's not that far-fetched to conceive of a money addiction. People sell their bodies, they sell their souls and they generally do all manner of evil just to attain little green pieces of paper with dead white men on the front. Just think about the crazy things that happen in the world because of the mighty dollar...
Maybe this addiction thing has some legs.
If we view the love of money as an addictive behavior, does that change how we as a society view folks who are successful? Can we compare the drive to be rich to the drive to get high? If so, how horribly does it reflect on America that we have placed such an emphasis on acquiring money?
I've written in the past that the current tough economic times (TET*) cannot be blamed solely on greedy bankers and unscrupulous Wall Street traders. Most Americans are also to blame for living lifestyles that they knew in their hearts they could not afford. If this information about the addictive power of money is true, then not only are Americans the consummate consumers, but we also might all be junkies.
I don't know, it's a tough pill to swallow that some folks get their "fix" from cold cash. It makes me question my own attitudes about money and wondering if my miserly instincts are really a sign of a deeper problem. Am I frugal because it makes sense, or am I frugal because I can't bear to be without my dough?
I can't figure it out.
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Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Monkey Business, Again.
Nope, I'm not going back to chimpanzee thing.
Rather, I was thinking recently about those three ceramic monkeys that some folks have on their mantle. The monkeys that represent the phrase "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil."
Recently, the coach of the University of Connecticut's women's basketball team made a fairly astute observation about race. Wait, let me correct that. He made a fairly obvious observation about race and sports, but since he's a powerful white man, people thought it was pretty astute.
The coach noted that black and white players get certain stereotypes attached to them, regardless of how they actually play their chosen sports. Those of you who keep up with sports are probably well aware of this, but for the folks who would rather gouge out their eyes than watch basketball, let me provide a primer.
The adjectives commonly applied to black athletes are athletic, naturally-talented, undisciplined and brash. For white athletes, the terms are skilled, disciplined, savvy and scrappy. On the surface, those adjectives may not seem like a big deal, but they subtly reinforce the stereotypes that black athletes are good because of superior physical gifts, while white athletes work harder and are smarter. Those stereotypes feed into the overarching idea that black people are physical brutes with limited mental abilities.
Anyway, when the UConn coach made his comments, it generated quite a buzz, mainly because he's a powerful white dude, and when powerful white dudes talk, people listen. Mostly the responses acknowledged that he might have a point and praised him for having the "courage" to bring it up. Typical.
However, there was one comment that really bothered me. It was a somewhat tongue-in-cheek response at this website. If you check it out, you'll find that author wonders what purpose it serves to talk about race, particularly if the person starting the conversation isn't saying anything new or profound.
Well ain't that a blip...
It seems that the new rules for discussing racism stipulate that unless you're saying something new or saying something special, you should probably shut the eff up. I totally missed that memo since I rarely talk about "new" racial problems, and while my blog may be decent, it's not like I could be Obama's speechwriter. Guess I've got to shut it down...
Not.
Look, I hate trite, racial conversations as much as the next guy, but I'd be stupid to tell folks that the only time they should mention racial stereotypes or other issues is when they have something really good to say. That would pretty much end all conversations about race because most Americans haven't been educated enough to speak intelligently about race. In fact, the reason why it's important that more people talk about racial issues more often is because hopefully the few folks with good sense will get a chance to reach more people.
The author of the website says that since racial conversations are so uncomfortable and fraught with peril, it makes more sense to avoid them until things get really serious... Yeah, I hope this doesn't offend my white readers, but that sounds like either a white dude talking, or somebody who thinks like a white dude.
You know, when black folks were getting lynched and hosed because they wanted to eat at lunch counters, there were folks who wondered why these uppity Negroes were disturbing the peaceful calm in the south with their rabble rousing. Those folks argued that while segregation might not be great, it was easier to let it continue than it was to try to change things. It was more "comfortable."
Excuse me if I ain't too concerned with comfort.
Honestly, what would really be "comfortable" would be if I could watch a basketball game at any level without having to listen to announcers dabble in race-based psychology. I would be more "comfortable" if I didn't have to worry about folks thinking that my black skin equals inferior intelligence, but nice "handles." (That's the ability to dribble for you sports-challenged folks.)
Life would be a lot more "comfortable" if I didn't have to deal with race-based stereotypes and discrimination on a regular basis, but that ain't life. Besides, who promised me that my life would be "comfortable?" Nope, my life is messy and problem-filled despite the blessings of God, and quite often I'm very, very uncomfortable.
Seems like some other folks need to step outside of their comfort zones as well.
Share
Rather, I was thinking recently about those three ceramic monkeys that some folks have on their mantle. The monkeys that represent the phrase "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil."
Recently, the coach of the University of Connecticut's women's basketball team made a fairly astute observation about race. Wait, let me correct that. He made a fairly obvious observation about race and sports, but since he's a powerful white man, people thought it was pretty astute.
The coach noted that black and white players get certain stereotypes attached to them, regardless of how they actually play their chosen sports. Those of you who keep up with sports are probably well aware of this, but for the folks who would rather gouge out their eyes than watch basketball, let me provide a primer.
The adjectives commonly applied to black athletes are athletic, naturally-talented, undisciplined and brash. For white athletes, the terms are skilled, disciplined, savvy and scrappy. On the surface, those adjectives may not seem like a big deal, but they subtly reinforce the stereotypes that black athletes are good because of superior physical gifts, while white athletes work harder and are smarter. Those stereotypes feed into the overarching idea that black people are physical brutes with limited mental abilities.
Anyway, when the UConn coach made his comments, it generated quite a buzz, mainly because he's a powerful white dude, and when powerful white dudes talk, people listen. Mostly the responses acknowledged that he might have a point and praised him for having the "courage" to bring it up. Typical.
However, there was one comment that really bothered me. It was a somewhat tongue-in-cheek response at this website. If you check it out, you'll find that author wonders what purpose it serves to talk about race, particularly if the person starting the conversation isn't saying anything new or profound.
Well ain't that a blip...
It seems that the new rules for discussing racism stipulate that unless you're saying something new or saying something special, you should probably shut the eff up. I totally missed that memo since I rarely talk about "new" racial problems, and while my blog may be decent, it's not like I could be Obama's speechwriter. Guess I've got to shut it down...
Not.
Look, I hate trite, racial conversations as much as the next guy, but I'd be stupid to tell folks that the only time they should mention racial stereotypes or other issues is when they have something really good to say. That would pretty much end all conversations about race because most Americans haven't been educated enough to speak intelligently about race. In fact, the reason why it's important that more people talk about racial issues more often is because hopefully the few folks with good sense will get a chance to reach more people.
The author of the website says that since racial conversations are so uncomfortable and fraught with peril, it makes more sense to avoid them until things get really serious... Yeah, I hope this doesn't offend my white readers, but that sounds like either a white dude talking, or somebody who thinks like a white dude.
You know, when black folks were getting lynched and hosed because they wanted to eat at lunch counters, there were folks who wondered why these uppity Negroes were disturbing the peaceful calm in the south with their rabble rousing. Those folks argued that while segregation might not be great, it was easier to let it continue than it was to try to change things. It was more "comfortable."
Excuse me if I ain't too concerned with comfort.
Honestly, what would really be "comfortable" would be if I could watch a basketball game at any level without having to listen to announcers dabble in race-based psychology. I would be more "comfortable" if I didn't have to worry about folks thinking that my black skin equals inferior intelligence, but nice "handles." (That's the ability to dribble for you sports-challenged folks.)
Life would be a lot more "comfortable" if I didn't have to deal with race-based stereotypes and discrimination on a regular basis, but that ain't life. Besides, who promised me that my life would be "comfortable?" Nope, my life is messy and problem-filled despite the blessings of God, and quite often I'm very, very uncomfortable.
Seems like some other folks need to step outside of their comfort zones as well.
Share
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