Pimping Ain't Shit...

This is going to seem kind of random, but hang with me.

Remember a few years back when it seemed like every black man in America wanted to be a pimp? 50 Cent had just dropped his ode to a life of tracks and bottom bitches, and Snoop seemed determined to make us believe that his friendship with an unrepentant former pimp was deeply spiritual. Pimp cups were the newest must have accessory.

In hindsight, it was all pretty sick.

As a man, I have been known to scream out some nonsense about pimping, or bob my head to the misogyny rappers casually spew about the subject. When I chanted those words I wasn't really thinking about the reality of prostitution. Rather, I was indulging in an adolescent fantasy that glorified bedding as many women as possible with as little commitment as possible. If I could convince those poor women to buy me gifts, so much better. That was my concept of pimping.

I came face to face to with real pimping the other night.

My wife and I watched this documentary on Showtime called Very Young Girls. Well, I can't honestly say that I watched it. I tried to watch it, but after listening to one young lady describe how she was anally raped by her 30-year old pimp when she was 12-years old, I kind of gave up on the movie. I hung around long enough to hear another girl describe how she often wondered if God had made her body to be used by men, she figured that must have been her purpose in life. After that, I spent a long night trying to understand the evil that men do as I tossed and turned in my bed.

That girl showed me what a pimp is. A pimp is a man who is heartless enough to prey on love-starved, prematurely developed young girls and then convince them that their purpose in life is to lie down with an endless stream of men to make him money. A pimp is a man who will keep those same girls working for him, not just through the strength of his charisma, but also through the power of his fists.

Like I said, pimping ain't shit.

I have no familiarity with the world of prostitution. Even though my job entails dealing with crime, for the most part the prostitutes I see arrested are older women strung out on their drug of choice. They are not baby-faced, attractive youngsters who look more like majorettes than hardened hoes. I have a pretty antiquated view of prostitution.

It's amazing what a movie can do.

Before I watched those little girls speak, and watched footage of actual pimps indoctrinating prostitutes, I never really understood how a man convinced a woman to sell her body. I just chalked it up to one of life's mysteries. Now I understand that these men aren't convincing women, they are convincing children. And then they are systematically stripping these children of their self-respect so they can be compliant receptacles of men's sperm.

That was a reality check.

Like I said, this a random post. It's not about politics, it's just about a movie I saw that gave me bad dreams. But, that movie also made me reconsider what other things I take for granted. How often have I excused unacceptable behavior by myself or other men because I never took the time to really consider the true impact of those actions? In turning a blind eye to this suffering, am I just as culpable as those committing the heinous acts? Considering the size of the problem, what can I really do?

Just some things I thought about while watching real pimps at work.
Share

Second Childhood

I spend a lot of time thinking about the past.

Mostly, I think about what I did wrong, although I do take the time occasionally to remember my successes. Whether it's failing to apply myself in school and in sports, or missing out on boning that fine sister in college, I think a lot about my personal failures. I wonder what my life would look like now if I had the chance to relive life with my current wisdom.

I often long for a second childhood.

It's funny how time dulls all wounds. I say that because I read something recently that reminded me that childhood was no paradise. This piece perfectly describes how vicious children can be. Children seem to thrive on the pain of others, and it's easy to forget how sharp that pain felt as the years go by.

It's good to remember the bad times.

Pain can teach as well as wound. The lessons I've learned from the bullying I endured and that the bullying I dished out have taught me a lot about group behavior and morality. Without that pain and shame, would I have the wisdom that I have today? If I went back and erased all the mistakes in my life, what kind of man would that make me?

Like many of you, I'm raising childred. Miniature people completely dependent on me to protect and provide for them. I'm sure every parent has been struck by the awesome nature of this responsibility, but for me it's particularly enticing.

For someone who spends so much time considering his mistakes, it seems like an unbelievable boon to have children to shape and mold. It's almost like an opportunity to relive my life, to correct my mistakes, to accomplish all of my goals.

But, it's not.

I'm convinced that no matter how hard I try, I can't protect my children from the world. Nor can I truly protect the world from my children and their inner cruelty. Inevitably, my children will be hurt and they will hurt others. So, I ask myself, how much can I do, and how much should I do to guide their lives?

How far should any of us go to improve our children? When does guidance cross the line into control? Is control really a bad thing when it comes to children? How do you raise an intelligent, sensitive child in a world where intelligence and sensitivity are the blood that shark-minded children converge upon?

How can you equip your children to handle the wolves without turning them into a wolves?

These are the questions I ask myself when I look into my little boy's brown eyes and when I pat my wife's rapidly growing stomach. I've been given an incredible gift, but stories like the one I linked to tell me that gift is a crushing responsibility as well.

If my children are a continuation of my life, but how do I give them their own?

Share

Back in Effect

I'm back from my short hiatus because of a houseguest.

I'll have a long post tomorrow, but I wanted to thank all y'all again for the response to the marriage and sex post. Great thoughts there.

I also had to say something else.


A fucking shoe? Crazy.

Worst. President. Ever.


Share

Let's Talk About It

Stealing a move from my homie Deacon Blue, I'm going to broach a topic that typically drives up the blog statistics.

Sex.

Ooohwee, I can already feel it getting hot in here.

Actually, don't get your hopes up. Today we won't be discussing the best positions to use in the back of a pickup-truck, (those damn ridges in the truck bed are a beast on the back), instead I'd like to talk about a sexual marriage.

No, that's not an oxymoron although this story and this one might make you think differently.

Now I don't want to get into trouble, but those two articles really made me think about the state of marriage today. Sadly, several of the points raised in those pieces reverberated with me because I've seen them in my own relationship.

Marriage is a complicated dance. One wrong step can ruin the mood, and a string of missteps can leave you searching for a new partner. But, when two people learn each other's moves, it can an awe-inspiring thing.

New couples are typically warned that the three biggest obstacles between them and a successful marriage are money, family and sex. No matter how much two people love each other, those three issues will cause an amazing amount of heartache. And sex, which seems like an area of smooth sailing before you get married, is probably the trickiest issue.

As both of those articles point out, it's not that unusual for marriages to turn into "no-sex" zones. Outside pressures combined with the wide range of problems that arise from trying to meld with another human being can kill many married people's libidos. Particularly women.

That's right ladies, those articles seem to deal mainly with the ways your libidos can disappear once you say "I do." I have to say that I read with baited breath to find out what it is that causes y'all to lose your desire for loving. I don't want to alienate my female readers, but trying to understand a woman is like trying to appreciate George Bush's presidency.

What I discovered is what I always suspected. Today's society, despite its focus on all things sexual, is really not set up in a way to facilitate sex between married people. Our schedules are too busy, our lifestyles too extravagant and our children too important. It's an unfortunate byproduct of all the different movements that have attempted to establish equality in our society. Change often makes things more difficult, and marriage is no exception.

So, I'm curious, what do my readers, married and single, think are the best ways to maintain a healthy sex life when you're dealing with a crying baby, two working parents and vagaries of a relationship? How do you get it up or keep it wet, if you want to be a little vulgar. It's an open forum for advice because it's obvious that quite a few people out there need it.

(This will be my only new post until Monday or Tuesday of next week, so I'm counting on some good discussion.)

Share