Shoes

Momma used to say "Walk a mile in another man's shoes before you try to tell him about the fit."

Well, actually, my momma never said that, but it sounds like something she would have said given her penchant for useful mantras. What she did say was "One man's tea is another man's poison," which has some of the same key elements.

Basically, we need to really understand that people are different, and it's impossible to comprehend their difference until we start thinking a little like them.

This is a familiar topic around these parts, one I enjoy discussing from an intellectual perspective and a spiritual one. After all, when Jesus exhorted his followers to love their neighbors as they love themselves, what is implicit in that command is the idea that you have to take some time to think about what is the best way to show your neighbor love

For the most part, we're all pretty familiar with our own needs and wants. We live inside our heads, after all. But, with everybody else in the world, we're only guessing about what they need, how they feel and what they want. In order to get a clearer picture of our fellow man, we have to spend some time walking his path.

The problem is that most of us suck at thinking like someone else. Oh, we claim that we're putting other people's needs first, but in reality we're just putting our ideas into their bodies. We're not actually considering their past slights, their fears, their worries, their loves. We're basically saying "If that was me, this is how I would take it."

That is not good enough.

Whether it's talking about race, or dealing with any other relationship, the only path that ends in true enlightenment involves sacrificing a little of ourselves and our interests to see the world from another perspective. That means while black folks have some very justified anger and frustration at the actions of many of our white brethren, we need to understand that their world is so much easier than our own that it is only natural that they would reject changing it.

How many of us can honestly say that if we were able to partake in all the glorious excesses of whiteness that we ourselves would not be loathe to sacrifice our privilege for some nebulous concept of fairness? Would we look at ourselves with disdain for that choice, or just chalk it up to the way the world works?

Conversely, to the few brave white souls who still frequent this site, you all need to stop expecting that all black folks who want to see the world change will be patient and kind when discussing the realities of race and racism, or that we will make a point to acknowledge our white allies at every turn.

Quite honestly, if we were really friends you wouldn't need us to soften every blow to your ego with a pat on the back. Now, it is true that a spoonful sugar does ease the passage of medicine, but there are times when the continual toll of life as a black person in America makes it impossible to really care how ANY white people feel. There is time when the casualness with which white folks reinforce and dismiss their privilege only stirs anger. Deep, dark, violent anger and all we black folks can do is barely suppress that seething which leaves us strength left to play nice with our friends.

Walking in someone's shoes means you acknowledge these realities, and, sometimes, you give other folks a pass. You don't hold them accountable to a lofty standard because you understand just how difficult the climb is to that perch.

You disagree and correct with love because you recognize their humanity just as you understand your own.












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