Most of y'all have read or heard that Mr. "O"-tastic is not going to be trying out for the Professional Bowling Association any time soon.
Seems Loverboy bowled a 37 the other day on the campaign trail and it caused rolling waves of mirth to cascade across the mainstream media. Now, I think the whole ordeal was overplayed, but a 37 is pretty piss poor. I mean, homey might want to consider bumper bowling next time if he doesn't want to get embarrassed.
However, as has been her habit, Hillary Clinton couldn't allow Obama to have a bad moment without trying to jump on his neck with both feet. Seems she had an April Fool's press conference where she openly challenged Obama to a bowling match for the Democratic nomination. The Cackler tried to pretend it was one big joke, but considering some of her campaign's previous suggestions (electoral votes, usurping pledged delegates) it actually was pretty believable.
Now, if the Queen of the Race Card had stopped there I really wouldn't have a blog post. But, y'all know Hillary showing restraint is about as likely as OJ getting a family sitcom. She followed up her "challenge" by telling the press corps all about her love for bowling and everything that goes along with it. Peep the discourse here.
Seems Clinton agreed with a reporter that it showed amazing "guts" on her part to challenge Obama to a bowling match even though she hasn't bowled since she visited Camp David regularly. (Yeah, it's got bowling lanes) She then played the victim when it was noted that Obama had challenged her to a basketball game, although she later admitted that she had played basketball back in the day when women couldn't cross half-court and niggers sat on the side. (I made that last part up.)
Ignoring the way Clinton is trying to brand Obama as an effeminate wienie, I want to focus on her idea that having a bowling match would be more fair than a basketball match. I mean, she admits to owning bowling paraphernalia and once having had access to a private lanes. Doesn't she see that as an advantage or do advantages only count when they are wielded by Obama. Don't bother answering that question.
Personally, I think Obama should propose another basketball game, spot Hillary seven points going to 12, and then punish her. I mean he could use the game as a metaphor for his life in America, considering the fact that as a black man he is already spotting white women some buckets in the game of life.
Screw the people who would see him as a bully, Obama should take Hillary on the block and roughhouse her ass. Start throwing some elbows, hitting her with some drop-steps. No pansy ass fadeaways or finesse sky hooks, I'm talking about unleashing some prison ball on her ass. That would teach her to open her mouth about whether he's "tough" enough on anything.
I really enjoyed that fantasy.
Pay Attention
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Thursday, April 3, 2008
You Wanna Fight?
So, Hillary Clinton is Rocky Balboa now.
I'm sure most of you have heard how she compared herself to the Italian Stallion at a recent campaign rally and noticed the way it made the collective media scream with delight. Actually, given the storylines her campaign has tried to advance this primary season, I'm not surprised by this turn of events.
Rocky was a rough and tumble street fighter who wasn't afraid to battle anyone for his chance at success. He overcame amazing odds to ascend to the pinnacle of his profession, and fought serious adversity his entire life. His story, fictional as it is, represents the mainstream American Dream, the dream that Hillary believes she embodies.
Only, Rocky was a few other things that Hillary might not remember.
As I recall, Balboa was a former street thug whose boxing style was built on the tactics he once used to collect on bad debts for Mafia types. While Balboa trained and fought hard for his title shot, he actually lost to Apollo Creed the first time around.
Then, when he finally did become heavyweight champion, he mismanaged his money so badly he had to do exhibition matches with pro wrestlers. He also lost his title because he was lazy and ill-prepared before regaining momentum after being learning some new tactics from his more talented black friend. In the end, Balboa watched that friend die and became a shuffling trainer whose last two "fights" were as implausible as Bush's claims about Saddam's weapons of mass destruction.
Sound familiar?
I can't be the only person who remembers just how effed up Rocky's life actually became. By the time his career was over, Rocky was a broke and shuffling caricature of his former self. He clung stubbornly to the past because he was ill-equipped to handle the changing times.
And this is the guy Hillary wants to be compared to?
Wait, you mean Hillary only wants to focus on the positive aspects of the Rocky movies and ignore the reality of what happened? No, that can't be right. Hillary would never willingly cling to a falsehood to bolster her political campaign, would she?
Actually she would, and it's no surprise she picked the most hackneyed comparison in the world to use as her campaign's theme in Pennsylvania. IIn fact, her push for the presidency has really been an unending loop of the worst aspects of American politics spliced with random lies that sound true.
In every possible way, Hillary Clinton is Rocky Balboa. A mediocre, fictional fighter propped up by the insecurities of mainstream America and determined to satisfy this country's desire for lies that taste like candy.
Go ahead, climb those steps champ.
I'm sure most of you have heard how she compared herself to the Italian Stallion at a recent campaign rally and noticed the way it made the collective media scream with delight. Actually, given the storylines her campaign has tried to advance this primary season, I'm not surprised by this turn of events.
Rocky was a rough and tumble street fighter who wasn't afraid to battle anyone for his chance at success. He overcame amazing odds to ascend to the pinnacle of his profession, and fought serious adversity his entire life. His story, fictional as it is, represents the mainstream American Dream, the dream that Hillary believes she embodies.
Only, Rocky was a few other things that Hillary might not remember.
As I recall, Balboa was a former street thug whose boxing style was built on the tactics he once used to collect on bad debts for Mafia types. While Balboa trained and fought hard for his title shot, he actually lost to Apollo Creed the first time around.
Then, when he finally did become heavyweight champion, he mismanaged his money so badly he had to do exhibition matches with pro wrestlers. He also lost his title because he was lazy and ill-prepared before regaining momentum after being learning some new tactics from his more talented black friend. In the end, Balboa watched that friend die and became a shuffling trainer whose last two "fights" were as implausible as Bush's claims about Saddam's weapons of mass destruction.
Sound familiar?
I can't be the only person who remembers just how effed up Rocky's life actually became. By the time his career was over, Rocky was a broke and shuffling caricature of his former self. He clung stubbornly to the past because he was ill-equipped to handle the changing times.
And this is the guy Hillary wants to be compared to?
Wait, you mean Hillary only wants to focus on the positive aspects of the Rocky movies and ignore the reality of what happened? No, that can't be right. Hillary would never willingly cling to a falsehood to bolster her political campaign, would she?
Actually she would, and it's no surprise she picked the most hackneyed comparison in the world to use as her campaign's theme in Pennsylvania. IIn fact, her push for the presidency has really been an unending loop of the worst aspects of American politics spliced with random lies that sound true.
In every possible way, Hillary Clinton is Rocky Balboa. A mediocre, fictional fighter propped up by the insecurities of mainstream America and determined to satisfy this country's desire for lies that taste like candy.
Go ahead, climb those steps champ.
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
A Racist Scorned
Being a Good Negro is a difficult business.
The constant pressure of appeasing massa and them while trying not to get your ass-whipped by a damn Field Negro can age a Good Negro faster than picking cotton. Keeping white folks happy is damn near a full-time job by itself, but when you add on the responsibility of trying placate these angry militants, well ain't nobody said getting to White Heaven would be easy.
Condi Rice, also known as George Bush's play wife, has held the title of greatest Good Negro in America for quite some time. As a child of segregated Alabama who rose to the highest echelons of the Republican party, Rice has been been that special Negro friend all conservatives can hold up to prove they aren't racist. An impeccable dresser with an Ivy League education who can speak fluent Russian, Rice is not only qualified for her job, but she still admits that she benefited from Affirmative Action. More importantly, Rice is now on the fence about whether Affirmative Action is a good thing!
She's what all Good Negroes can only aspire to be; a Great Negro.
In her position of prominence, Rice has typically avoided confronting white folks with the unvarnished truth about America's racist past because there's nothing white folks hate more than a historical Negro. She has even said that she never really felt the sting of segregation in her childhood.
While Rice was referring to the way her parents shielded her from the worst injustices, most conservative white folks have used that as proof that all that fuss about dogs and water hoses was overblown.
Unfortunately, Rice recently made a decision that has brought her Great Negress status into severe jeopardy. When recently asked by a conservative newspaper to discuss American race relations in the aftermath of Magical Negro Barack Obama's speech on race and religion, Rice behaved like pernicious pickaninny and actually said that racism was America's "birth defect." She then had the audacity to call nigras a "founding population".
For proof of her betrayal of all that white folks deem holy, please read here.
Benedict Rice's action are stupefying. She has been welcomed on to the back porch of the big house like no Negress before her, and yet, she has behaved like an ungrateful tar baby.
How dare she point out the overwhelming hypocrisy in America as if her feeble coon mind could comprehend the decisions white folks have to make when they rule the world? Rice's comments have sent shock waves through the Aryan community, and even brought Latin Negro-hater Lou Dobbs to a state of speechlessness. Visible proof below.
The response has been much more vitriolic on conservative message boards across the Internet. Rice's appearance, her intelligence, her qualifications and her citizenship have all rightfully been questioned in the wake of her abandonment of the Good Negro ideals. While she still appears willing to parrot conservative talking points on a host of other issues, how can white folks truly trust a Negress who will speak honestly about race? Is she a double agent? Does she harbor the same burning disdain for America shown by that hate-monger Rev. Wright?
There is no way to be certain where her loyalties lie, and it's unlikely she can ever be welcomed fully into the bosom of white folks again. She is no longer a viable running mate for John McCain because if that venerable representative of whiteness were to die in office there could possibly be a Manchurian Negro in the highest political office in the land!
Et tu Condi?
The constant pressure of appeasing massa and them while trying not to get your ass-whipped by a damn Field Negro can age a Good Negro faster than picking cotton. Keeping white folks happy is damn near a full-time job by itself, but when you add on the responsibility of trying placate these angry militants, well ain't nobody said getting to White Heaven would be easy.
Condi Rice, also known as George Bush's play wife, has held the title of greatest Good Negro in America for quite some time. As a child of segregated Alabama who rose to the highest echelons of the Republican party, Rice has been been that special Negro friend all conservatives can hold up to prove they aren't racist. An impeccable dresser with an Ivy League education who can speak fluent Russian, Rice is not only qualified for her job, but she still admits that she benefited from Affirmative Action. More importantly, Rice is now on the fence about whether Affirmative Action is a good thing!
She's what all Good Negroes can only aspire to be; a Great Negro.
In her position of prominence, Rice has typically avoided confronting white folks with the unvarnished truth about America's racist past because there's nothing white folks hate more than a historical Negro. She has even said that she never really felt the sting of segregation in her childhood.
While Rice was referring to the way her parents shielded her from the worst injustices, most conservative white folks have used that as proof that all that fuss about dogs and water hoses was overblown.
Unfortunately, Rice recently made a decision that has brought her Great Negress status into severe jeopardy. When recently asked by a conservative newspaper to discuss American race relations in the aftermath of Magical Negro Barack Obama's speech on race and religion, Rice behaved like pernicious pickaninny and actually said that racism was America's "birth defect." She then had the audacity to call nigras a "founding population".
For proof of her betrayal of all that white folks deem holy, please read here.
Benedict Rice's action are stupefying. She has been welcomed on to the back porch of the big house like no Negress before her, and yet, she has behaved like an ungrateful tar baby.
How dare she point out the overwhelming hypocrisy in America as if her feeble coon mind could comprehend the decisions white folks have to make when they rule the world? Rice's comments have sent shock waves through the Aryan community, and even brought Latin Negro-hater Lou Dobbs to a state of speechlessness. Visible proof below.
The response has been much more vitriolic on conservative message boards across the Internet. Rice's appearance, her intelligence, her qualifications and her citizenship have all rightfully been questioned in the wake of her abandonment of the Good Negro ideals. While she still appears willing to parrot conservative talking points on a host of other issues, how can white folks truly trust a Negress who will speak honestly about race? Is she a double agent? Does she harbor the same burning disdain for America shown by that hate-monger Rev. Wright?
There is no way to be certain where her loyalties lie, and it's unlikely she can ever be welcomed fully into the bosom of white folks again. She is no longer a viable running mate for John McCain because if that venerable representative of whiteness were to die in office there could possibly be a Manchurian Negro in the highest political office in the land!
Et tu Condi?
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Chill, Baby, Chill
It's amazing how certain words cross over from marginalized communities into the mainstream.
I remember when only people from New Orleans and Texas said "bling-bling", and a "shorty" was actually somebody who was vertically challenged. In fact, I'm sure some of the old heads who read this blog can remember just how cool they sounded the first time they told a lame to stop "dissing" them. Check out this Time article for an interesting history of slang. (Hat tip to Undercover Black Man.
It's kind of jarring when a word first crosses over into the wider world. If you've been using the word for a while, initially there's a rush of pride at being a trendsetter, but that's quickly squelched by the realization that you now sound just like everybody else.
I thought about the journey words take from the ghetto to the penthouse the other day when I heard former President Bill Clinton tell a crowd to "chill out." Here's the story if you missed it.
Chill out.
Man, that's taking it back. That phrase is so lame my totally uncool mother used to say it to me when I was still a little lunatic. She would try to look all hip and then say "Take a chill pill, dude."
Crazy.
I can't really remember when the words "chill" or "chilling" were first introduced to the world, but I'm sure the first cats who used them never imagined in a million years that they would get tossed into a political speech by a former President of the United States. (This link give some history for the word.) I'm sure when cats in the 'hood were posted up in their Cross Colours, "just chilling," they never thought that a good ol' boy from Arkansas would be talking like them in 25 years.
The point of this little exercise in nostalgia is to note exactly how intermingled we are in this country despite the huge gulfs that seem to separate us. We may not live together, eat together or go to school together, but somehow we just can't seem to truly cordon ourselves off from different races, classes or cultures. Oh, people may sneak a few things past each other, but for the most part everything individual cultures think is theirs alone eventually gets co-opted by the larger world.
Involuntary assimilation is an interesting concept. For many black people, the word assimilation immediately conjures up images of an ashy brother with a conk eating mayonnaise sandwiches and watching reruns of "Friends." Those of us indoctrinated by pro-black rhetoric see assimilation as a fate worse than death, and consequently handle the word "Uncle Tom" like it's a red, black and green grenade.
But, deep down, most of us know that it's impossible to live in America without assimilating, without picking up a bit of someone else's slang and jamming to their music. Part of being human is adapting to the larger culture. Seriously, if I randomly threw out the phrase "Soup Nazi" how many of y'all wouldn't get the allusion?
Clinton's comment, made in defense of his wife's right to continue her toxic campaign, was one of those melting pot moments that so many of us view with cynicism. Whenever somebody trots out that tired old "We are the World" spiel, many of us skeptics give them the massive stinkface with a side of eye rolls.
But, although Slick Willy has used this campaign season to defecate on black folks, when he wanted to sound cool and hip he fell back on one of our 25-year old slang terms. He probably didn't even realize that the words he used were once only heard in the ghettos and barrios. To him they were just an easy way to get his point across in a genial manner.
It actually wasn't that surprising since black people have been stereotyped as the "cool" kids just as often as they have been stereotyped as criminals. But, then again, I honestly can't pretend that white people are the only ones culture poaching since I use the word "dude" more than any surfer.
Bill's comment could have been made by any of us because we dabble and steal from each other. We're all patchwork quilts stitched together from the disparate pieces of our shared experiences. None of our music or slang is pure, none of our cultures are truly set apart. At a certain point words no longer have a color or culture.
It's just our culture. They're just our words.
(And no, nigger has not reached this point yet.)
I remember when only people from New Orleans and Texas said "bling-bling", and a "shorty" was actually somebody who was vertically challenged. In fact, I'm sure some of the old heads who read this blog can remember just how cool they sounded the first time they told a lame to stop "dissing" them. Check out this Time article for an interesting history of slang. (Hat tip to Undercover Black Man.
It's kind of jarring when a word first crosses over into the wider world. If you've been using the word for a while, initially there's a rush of pride at being a trendsetter, but that's quickly squelched by the realization that you now sound just like everybody else.
I thought about the journey words take from the ghetto to the penthouse the other day when I heard former President Bill Clinton tell a crowd to "chill out." Here's the story if you missed it.
Chill out.
Man, that's taking it back. That phrase is so lame my totally uncool mother used to say it to me when I was still a little lunatic. She would try to look all hip and then say "Take a chill pill, dude."
Crazy.
I can't really remember when the words "chill" or "chilling" were first introduced to the world, but I'm sure the first cats who used them never imagined in a million years that they would get tossed into a political speech by a former President of the United States. (This link give some history for the word.) I'm sure when cats in the 'hood were posted up in their Cross Colours, "just chilling," they never thought that a good ol' boy from Arkansas would be talking like them in 25 years.
The point of this little exercise in nostalgia is to note exactly how intermingled we are in this country despite the huge gulfs that seem to separate us. We may not live together, eat together or go to school together, but somehow we just can't seem to truly cordon ourselves off from different races, classes or cultures. Oh, people may sneak a few things past each other, but for the most part everything individual cultures think is theirs alone eventually gets co-opted by the larger world.
Involuntary assimilation is an interesting concept. For many black people, the word assimilation immediately conjures up images of an ashy brother with a conk eating mayonnaise sandwiches and watching reruns of "Friends." Those of us indoctrinated by pro-black rhetoric see assimilation as a fate worse than death, and consequently handle the word "Uncle Tom" like it's a red, black and green grenade.
But, deep down, most of us know that it's impossible to live in America without assimilating, without picking up a bit of someone else's slang and jamming to their music. Part of being human is adapting to the larger culture. Seriously, if I randomly threw out the phrase "Soup Nazi" how many of y'all wouldn't get the allusion?
Clinton's comment, made in defense of his wife's right to continue her toxic campaign, was one of those melting pot moments that so many of us view with cynicism. Whenever somebody trots out that tired old "We are the World" spiel, many of us skeptics give them the massive stinkface with a side of eye rolls.
But, although Slick Willy has used this campaign season to defecate on black folks, when he wanted to sound cool and hip he fell back on one of our 25-year old slang terms. He probably didn't even realize that the words he used were once only heard in the ghettos and barrios. To him they were just an easy way to get his point across in a genial manner.
It actually wasn't that surprising since black people have been stereotyped as the "cool" kids just as often as they have been stereotyped as criminals. But, then again, I honestly can't pretend that white people are the only ones culture poaching since I use the word "dude" more than any surfer.
Bill's comment could have been made by any of us because we dabble and steal from each other. We're all patchwork quilts stitched together from the disparate pieces of our shared experiences. None of our music or slang is pure, none of our cultures are truly set apart. At a certain point words no longer have a color or culture.
It's just our culture. They're just our words.
(And no, nigger has not reached this point yet.)
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