Make Me Laugh

Word on the street is that I'm a sourpuss.

Recently, a friend of mine sent me this article, and encouraged me to add the interviewer to the "the list."

For the ignorant, "the list" is the mythical list of racists and bigots black people walk around with in their heads. Well, at least this black person.

Anyway, after I checked out the interview I decided I shared her sentiments. I then passed along the interview to another friend of mine.

Now, this guy and I often disagree on stuff, so when I pass stuff to him it's mainly because I want a different perspective to shake myself up. I like to force myself to defend and consider all my positions so that I can be comfortable explaining why I believe what I believe. I think I told y'all about this compulsion before.

Anyway, this friend tells me that I'm be too sensitive about the article, and I've missed the point. Mainly, the interview is for laughs, and there is nothing sinister about it. He chided me for looking for a reason to be offended.

This ain't a new thing. Those of y'all who have been following the blog for a while know I've discussed sensitivity and humor.

My friend's comments made me think. Have I lost my funny bone? Has my newfound pledge to treat folks the way I want them to treat me, or more importantly, the way they would like to be treated, turned me into a simp? A boring, bland mush of unfunny?

I don't think so.

I like humor, and I can laugh at stuff that's risque. I think Dave Chappelle was a freaking genius.

That said, I'm tired of this new breed of comedy that focuses on demeaning folks for laughs. I'm tired of snarky blogs that poke fun at any and everything and turn away complaints by hiding behind the stock response of "Lighten up." Yes, being intelligent is nice, but why do so many folks need to reaffirm their intelligence by taunting others? Why is that funny?

I wrote a while back about the lack of ass whippings in the world. I stand by that sentiment. While I don't like using violence to solve problems, I cannot deny the fact that violence can be a great deterrent. When I was growing up children talked about each other all the time, but there was always the understanding that things could get physical if you crossed the wrong line.

For some cats that was a momma joke, for other cats it was something else. No matter what, everybody understood that unless we were bosom buddies, you had better be careful with your mouth if you weren't ready to fight.

This interview reminded me that without checks and balances things get out of hand. In my opinion, the interviewer was lazy, and relied on stereotypes and snark instead of actually working for real laughs.

It wasn't funny at all.








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Pop Quiz

So, let's say Big Man is a world famous writer with tons of fans. He writes masterpieces that make men weep and women swoon. He is like crack, hard and potent.

But, Big Man has demons. Particularly, he likes his women a little young. Not May and December young, but "Daddy DayCare" young. One time, Big Man gets a 13-year old girl in his home, gives her a little booze, a few pills and then proceeds to have his way with her despite her objections. Big Man later pleads guilty to having sex with minor, is given a sweetheart deal by prosecutors, but blows town because he's worried that the the judge might not go along with the plan.


Simple question here: Could you still celebrate Big Man's writing career?

Those of y'all who read or watch the news now that today's blog topic is ripped directly from the headlines, as they say. Celebrated director Roman Polankski was recently arrested by the Swiss police, and his apprehension has outraged many in the artistic community. It seems that back in 1978, Polanski participated in a situation similar to the one described above and now it's time to pay the piper.

However, Polanski's supporters think it's time to let bygones be bygones. They argue that the police should stop hounding the 76-year old who has spent the past few decades jetting around the world making movies and banging groupies. (I assume he's banging groupies, don't know this for a fact.) I actually saw where one dude argued that this whole arrest thing is "sinister," and it's been tied to this country's puritanical views about sex, and a quest to get some money from the Swiss.

How about it's tied to the fact that this cat raped a child and then jumped bail?

Come on people, let's call a spade a spade. First and foremost, this cat raped a little girl. According to the girl's account, the sex was in no way consensual. Even if she's lying about that, she was 13-years old and Polanski used alcohol and drugs to coerce her. This is an open and shut case of pedophilia, with the additional bonus of some forcible rape.

Polanski apparently only left town once he realized that a judge wasn't going to let him plead out to a lesser charge, and he decided that he didn't want to hear the other inmates holla "Short Eyes" when he hit the tier. That would have been ugly.

I really can't fathom how folks are defending old boy's actions and arguing that he shouldn't have to deal with what he did. Not only does he need to do some time for the rape, but he needs to do some time for running. If Leroy or Tyrone raped a chick and jumped bail nobody would be questioning whether they deserve to get dealt with by the law. But because this cat is handy with a video camera he's supposed to get special treatment? And Mike Vick just did two years for killing some dogs?

That's crazy talk.

If you as a person are really bothered by the fact that Polanski is catching flak for a child rape he admitted to committing, then you need to reevaluate your life. Bottom line, this ain't the kind of cat you need to be celebrating. He represents something disgusting and nasty about our world. He's the embodiment of a policy that most of us despise.

It ain't what you do, it's who you are.






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Pants On Fire

"Daddy, can I have some of that chocolate?"

"This chocolate right here? Nah, you don't want this chocolate, it's nasty."

"If it's nasty, why you eating it? Why did you eat the whole pack of chocolates?"

"Sometimes grown-ups like to eat nasty stuff, remember how I liked liver and onions and you hated it?"

"Yeah."

"Well, this chocolate tastes kind of like that, like liver and onions. You don't want liver an onions chocolate right?"

"No, I don't want that."

"Good, now go grab the remote for daddy and then go play."

The above conversation is fictional. Despite my online name, I do not eat whole packs of chocolate in a single sitting. Now, if we talking about Cool Ranch Doritos, well I'll admit to making that mistake once or twice. But, I digress.

I wrote the above conversation because it seemed like something that would happen in many American homes. A child starts asking uncomfortable questions or making demands, and a parent responds with a little white lie to smooth things over. Nothing and nobody is really hurt, since the child will probably one day laugh at the fact that he thought chocolate tasted like liver and onions.

Or, he might hate your guts.

According to this study there is an epidemic of dishonesty among parents. It appears that when the going gets tough, parents get to lying.

I don't have a lying problem. My momma beat that out of me when she caught me lying about vacuuming her room when I was seven years old. And folks say spanking doesn't work.

It's not that I don't get the urge to spin some tall ones for my little ones. Sometimes when my oldest is asking me questions, it seems much easier to answer with a little lie, then try to break down the truth. Yet, as far as I can remember, I've resisted the urge. I don't know if that means I'm really honesty, or that I have a selective memory.

Anyway, I know it seems cute to tell our kids these little lies to shut them up, but I wonder about the long-term effects of our falsehoods. When the truth is finally revealed, what happens to the parent-child relationship? I guess it's ok when they find out about Santa Claus, but what about when they find about that their "Auntie" Angie, is really the mother of their half-brothers and sisters?

My opposition to lying today is biblical now that the scars from my beating have worn off. I often wonder though if God permits some lies when they serve the greater good, or if they are always a sin. I guess it's one of those questions I'll never get answered definitively. Anyway, what I do know is that if you're one of those parents, or just plain adults, who thinks that lying to kids is no big deal you need to know one thing.

You ain't alone.



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The Age of Anger

Are you mad?

If you're like many folks in this country, you have a whole host of reasons why you're upset, and all of them feel justified. It could be your job, your family, your health or just some nebulous feeling of unease. Whatever, it is, it's making you angry.

American has been an angry place since that guy got in the oval office. You know the guy, purple lips, slim build, peculiar gait. That guy seems to have made everything worse. Civil discourse has completely disappeared, the economy is tanking, racial violence is increasing, and dammit, I can't turn on the news without having to hear about a racial issue.

What happened to my country?

In my America, people knew how to talk around important issues, we knew how to sweep certain discussions under the rug. There was not this incessant push to confront injustice, it was more about going with the flow. Don't make waves and you'll be taken care of, you know.

Look at how this new anger thing has affected the blacks. (By the way, I still don't understand why we can't say Negro. It means "black" in Spanish and it sounds so much more poetic than regular "black.") Back in my day, the blacks knew how to enjoy life. The ones who were poor had their Saturday night fun, and the ones with a little money understood how to keep to themselves.

You could be confident that if you gave a Negro, I mean a black, a hand-up he understood that you were his benefactor. He was eternally grateful to you. The blacks knew that success was a privilege and that it could be snatched from them. Althea Gibson would have never gotten cheeky like Serena Williams, and if you think Bill Russell would have dared give a speech like Michael Jordan's, well you don't know America.

And Kanye? Kanye! First of all his momma would have never named him after a pepper. And, I know he damn sure wouldn't have a career if he did that to an all-American girl in my day. It's like these Negroes have lost their tiny minds.

You know it's all because of him. He made them think they could let their hair down, that we would tolerate this sort of behavior. Sure, he says all the right things, although he showed his black buttocks with that Henry Gates thing, but beneath that placid veneer lurks an angry black man. Do y'all remember how he got all huffy when folks started making some good natured jibes about his wife? Issuing threats like he has the right to impede my free speech, how dare he!

It's like these Negroes think they can say anything now that this guy is running the show. And running it into the ground I might add. How do we go from peace and prosperity to anarchy in ten months? Well, when you start worrying about diversity and not about results, what do you expect? I don't want to sound like a racist, but any time you let certain folks get involved in stuff, well the quality deteriorates. Look at our urban areas.

What really galls me is how angry so many of the blacks are now. You would think that they would be satisfied now that they've got their guy in the White House. But you give a Negro an inch and there's no stopping him. It's like they think that the world should change immediately. Where's the patience, where's their understanding? Folks don't like disruption. Intelligent people can discuss problems without resorting to name-calling or ugliness. I wish these blacks would follow the example of real Americans.

I just want to let all the hardworking, tax-paying Americans know that I get their confusion over all this misplaced anger. Just like you, it makes me mad, and I think I deserve to be mad. It's the folks without legitimate complaints that need to learn some decorum.

Thanks for your time.







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